Ep. 106: Saying "No" for Better Yeses
Saying "no" to things as an entrepreneur can feel scary as hell. But if you say "yes" to everything it won't allow you the energy or focus for the things that will actually serve you and your business best.
Sure when you really need the money it's easier to overlook the red flags of a potentially not great client. When you feel like you need to learn something that'll help your business it can feel hard to not purchase the course. When you need time to work but the group chat is blowing up, it can feel hard to miss out on the fun.
But one of the fastest ways to deplete all of our resources is to participate in everything that comes our way. That's why in this episode I share my approach to decision making, and how I don't always get it right, but I learn each time I get it wrong.
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Welcome back to the sell it sister podcast. On today's episode, we are going to be talking about saying no, which can be harder than it seems, especially if you are a, have historically been a people pleaser, uh, such as me I'm much better than I was. I used to be a chronic people pleaser. Um, but I have, I have learned, uh, To get better about saying no.
And I want to have this conversation, even though it's technically a monologue amount of dialogue here, but we can carry this conversation over on to Instagram at Eric Devin's consulting. But this is really important because especially as you get busier, um, or, you know, if your time is limited or whatever, Being able to confidently say no to things is going to be a really crucial asset for you.
And I promise for all of the, the people-pleasers listening, you can do this. Trust me when I say that it might, you might feel like. You're going to puke the first few times, but I promise you can do it. Um, so yeah, so I feel like, uh, you know, when you're earlier in business, it's much, much harder to decipher what to say yes to and what to say no to, especially if you've never run a business before.
Everything can feel like your priority because you're like, I don't know, like everyone's telling me I need to focus on all these different things. Right. So I don't actually know what is wise for me to say. Yes. Say no to, because you you're like thinking always thoughts. Like I've got to get all my social media accounts going.
Um, I need to get an email list. I need to find ways to get people onto my email list. Then I need to think about emailing them regularly. Uh, yeah, I've got to create offers. I've got to launch those offers. I've got to find clients. Then when I get those clients, like I gotta make time for them. I also need to make time for content for creating content.
Uh, I need time for ongoing marketing and on and on and on. Like it's, it's a lot, it's no wonder people become exhausted because this is really exhausting. It's a lot that entrepreneurs have to juggle. And especially also, if you're in that earlier stage, And you don't have somebody on your team yet who can, who you can delegate you, or you're not delegating out projects or things like that.
It is just a lot, it's so much. Um, and then as you get better and you have more experience and you've real like data to go off of, uh, even if that data is not, I'm not even talking spreadsheet data, I just mean like, Oh, I said yes to this, and then it sucks. So I'm not going to do that anymore. Or I said no to this, and then I regret it.
So I'm not going to do that anymore. We have those things we can go off of that, make this process easier. Um, but that doesn't mean it's, it's always like. Easy. Right? Cause we're we're humans and FOMO is a thing and we're not psychic. And you know, we don't have a crystal ball. That's like, Oh, if you say yes to this, then this will happen.
And if you say no, then that will happen. So there's a lot of like self trust and faith that goes into making, to making decisions in our, in our business. So, um, I can't say that, you know, this is like a hundred percent like. Foolproof guru on the mountain top. Like, I'm going to tell you all of this and then you'll always be able to confidently say no to things that won't serve you.
And it will all work out beautifully. Like I can't can't do that for you. Right. Can't do that for my son. I wish I could do that for myself, but I can't. But I do want to give you, um, a few things that over the years of running many, many businesses and doing all sorts of different things of what I do for myself now to see, is this a no?
Or is this a yes. And then if it's a no, like, confidently, be like, okay, it's a no I'm owning the no. And I'm going forward with that decision. So, first and foremost, I check in with my initial gut reaction. I feel like my intuition, my gut, it does not lie even when, sometimes I want to try to out-think it, uh, that doesn't ever seem to go my way.
Like I just, I just need to trust my intuition. Right. I don't always trust my intuition. Um, but when I don't, uh, I'm usually like, damn, I should have trusted me intuition. So, does it feel like a hell? Yes. Right. If you get asked to do this thing, be part of this, be part of a summit online summit, does it feel like a hell?
Yes. And you can also say like, okay, well, I, when I'm like a little bit nervous, I've never done this before. Okay. That's understandable. But is it a nervous plus excited or is it like a nervous, this feels out of alignment, kind of a situation. Cause I'm going to give you an example here. This happened at the beginning of this year, somebody reached out to me and they said, Oh, we found you through this friend of mine.
We want you to be part of our summit. We want you to talk about selling. I was like, okay. And I kinda like looked into it. And my, my gut was like, Nope. Don't do it, don't do it. But then my brain was like, okay, it's a new year. This is a marketing opportunity that just fell into your lap. And who are you to turn it down?
Who, who are you to say that this won't be good? Uh, who are you to say no to these people? Also, if you're not the sales person for this thing, like. Who were they going to get? And then what if that person does it and what if they get business from it and on and on and on. Right. So it was like my gut and my brain were having this back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Ultimately I was like, okay, I'll do it. I'll do it. And we'll just, we'll just see what happens. Uh, not good. Not good. I'll talk more about it in a minute. Should I listen to my gut? So number two, why am I saying yes to this? Ask yourself, why am I saying yes to this? Is it FOMO, fear of missing out scarcity, some other fear and, uh, you know, would not having the thing make me feel bad in some way.
Would it make me feel less than, so this could be not just an opportunity, but let's say a course or a program is, is launching and you see it. And you're like, damn, this marketing is good. This seems really good. But your, your brain is like telling you one thing, your gut is telling you another, your gut is like, I don't know.
I don't know if you should do this course right now. I don't know if he should. Like join this mastermind. I don't know. You know, you're really conflicted, but your brain is like, Oh, but see if you don't, if you don't join this course and you don't learn how to, I don't know, have a membership then. Other people are going to start memberships and you're going to be left in the dust.
Right. You're going to, you're going to miss out. You're gonna miss out on this opportunity or you're gonna try and do it on your own. You're gonna fail spectacularly. Right. So we've all this back and forth. Right. So it's really good to think. Why am I saying yes to this? So going back to my summit thing, I kinda, I kind of already touched on this.
I was like, Your dumb ass. If you say no to a marketing opportunity, also, you don't know who else will be involved. You don't know who will be paying attention. What if your next client comes from this thing? What if this, what if that dah, dah, dah, all of this up. What if they get somebody else talk about sales then instead, and it's great for them.
And then you missed out all this back and forth, right? So why am I saying yes to this number three, ask yourself. What is my desired outcome? Does it seem like it will match up with this opportunity, this thing, whatever that I'm either going to say yes or no to will it match up with my desired outcome and will the projected ROI return on investment?
Be worth it. So in this instance, I like to think about how long it will take me, what other opportunities that could lead to, um, how long and how long will it potentially take to see results and also what is required of me. So in this instance, with this summit, I was like, well, you know, I don't, I don't think it will take me like that long.
Um, Uh, you know, I've done other summits before and stuff, but then as I kept getting more and more information, I was like, ah, like it's going to take long time. For instance, they were using this totally different platform. I was like, Oh, it's just going to be on zoom. Or like a lot of times, um, It's like, I've been in summits where you just stream live to a Facebook group.
I've been on summits where you just stream to a zoom. I've been on summits where you pre-record and then they just upload your thing, like the day of, uh, of like your workshop. This was like, there was going to be a whole training for this platform and everything. And it was starting to build, it was starting to be more time than I really wanted to.
I was also going to have to create a whole new slide deck and on and on now I should note that my gut, the whole time was like, This is taking too much time. It's going to take too much of your time. This is more time than you want to spend on something like this. Why are you doing this? This doesn't feel good.
It was just screaming at me. And yet still I was like, ah, yeah, but I mean, I guess it'll be good because I'll know how to use this other platform and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever the whole, whole thing. Kept talking myself into a yes. That should have been a no. Right. So again, just reflect. What, what do you hope to get?
Does it seem like it will match up, um, will the ROI be worth it? How long will it take me to see a result? Now? Some things just. Speaking, truthfully, a lot of things in marketing, it's a slow burn. It's the long game, right? You could be on a podcast like, you know, two years ago. That doesn't do much for you at the time, but let's jump ahead two years in the future.
Now, all of a sudden you have somebody who's booking a discovery call with you. They are your next client. And you're like, how did you hear about me? And they're like, Oh, I just recently listened to your episode of so-and-so's podcast forever. I heard you. And you're like, Oh my gosh, recorded that thing two years ago.
Right. But they just found it. And then they started. Following you and checking your stuff out and they resonated with you, right? So you never know in the future, how things that you do in the past could come around and be really beneficial. That's also partly why deciding between yes and no is really hard because there's really no way of knowing in the moment.
What new opportunities that thing could potentially lead to. This is why my brain was having a freak out because it kept looking at like, Oh, what down the road, this and that, whatever. Um, and that's why I kept talking myself into it. So this is just again, no crystal ball. There's no crystal ball, unfortunately, but just really start to think like, You know, from the, from the event organizer or from the, you know, if it's a course, if it's a program, whatever, really try to see, like, what will this require of me to do it?
Well, how much time, how much energy, how much mental focus, how much, whatever. Right. Because then this leads me to question four. Can I make room for it right now? So if you know, okay. This thing, it's going to take me this many hours to do this amount of time, or, you know, approximately this amount of hours in this amount of time.
Get really honest. Can I make room for it right now? If the answer is no then, but you really want to do it, then what needs to be sacrificed? Right? If there's already space in your schedule. Great there's space in your schedule. Then the, the time thing is not necessarily a thing, you know, energetically, that could be a different story.
Um, you know, making mental space for it. That's something different, but when it's actual time, you can look and if there's room, okay, then you know there's room. But if it feels like a hell, yes. And there's not time. What temporarily can you sacrifice to make time for it? And if you're going to do that, how will it feel?
Even if it doesn't fully pan out, to the extent you want, how would it feel to sacrifice that one thing for this thing it's really important. And then lastly, again, because like I said, there's really ultimately no way of knowing. And sometimes just like me with the summit. I said, yes. When I should have said no, and this leads me to number five, if I say yes.
And I realized later, I should have said, no, what am I going to do with that information? Right. This is only really a problem when we don't learn from the mistake. Right. When we, that like the next time, like I've had things since. Opera like marketing opportunities like this, where I've said yes. And I've had some where I say no, are some of the ones where I said no, could I actually be missing out on other things that would have come from it?
Maybe I'll never know. Right. But. It helped me like, uh, saying yes to the summit, um, and then tracking the experience and how much time it actually took me and how frustrated I felt in all of that. That is an experience that can live in my body that I can check in with the next time I am pitched a marketing opportunity, visibility opportunity.
To go, what, what is my gut telling me? How long will this take? What will I have to do? Do they, they do, they want me to like email my list and I don't feel okay with that. Do they want me to post about it a certain amount of times? And I don't feel okay with that or does this feel super lined? And I'm like, Oh my God, I feel so lucky that I even got this opportunity.
So there is that, um, and also same goes for. Paid things like there's, there have also been things that I have invested in since January, since that summit and things I have not invested in. And now I'm a lot more clear on why am I saying yes, this investment? What do I hope to get from it? Why am I saying no to this investment?
And is this like a no, as in, not now, or is this a no, as in like probably not ever, right. Because again, I might say no to it right now, and that person might not offer that thing again. Right. We might really truly miss out on that exact offer. Uh, of course they might have other things down the road that we could take part in and it would be great and it would be fine.
But it's, it's good to be really, um, you know, honest with ourselves and see like, am I okay with that? Will, will I be okay with that? If I have truly missed out on this thing? Uh, is that going to sit well with me? And at the end of the day, that is the best we can do the best we can hope for is that over time we will learn from.
Our experiences with what we said yes to and what we say no to, to help inform our future nos and our future yeses. And the process will just get easier and easier and easier every time. Not necessarily is it ever easy? Because again, there's no way of knowing, right? There is unfortunately no way of knowing.
Like what if I say no to this? And I've just like screwed myself forever, but here is the final note I want to leave you on. I don't actually believe that it's entirely impossible to, like, if we say no to something that it's just like, Oh, well now we're just, now we're just screwed. Like, that was our, that was our one shot.
We're never going to get it again or whatever. I don't actually think that's the case. Now. I think that if you, you know, if really amazing opportunities keep coming along and you are just like, no, no, no, no, no. You know, like just repeatedly, just not doing anything that is going to move yourself or your business forward.
And that might be, I think there's larger, larger things at play there. Um, but I don't know, honestly, think that like the universe is out to destroy us over one, a decision like that. Right. I don't, I don't think that your whole business is going to come crashing down because you didn't buy that course on Facebook.
Right? Like during the enrollment period, I don't, I don't think that that is really like, A thing that we have to, that we have to worry about. So I wouldn't put too much weight on like, Oh my God, if I say no to this, then it's going to be the end of everything. But it is just, it's really important to note that we cannot say yes to all of the things.
And we cannot say yes to all of the people and we have to. Live with the reality of no and saying no, in the reality of sometimes our nose will disappoint people. I really, really, really hate the feeling of disappointing people. I hate it. It's like a huge trigger for me. Um, but at the end of the day, it's not up to us how people like.
Feel in that instance, like if we stop offering one of our offers that maybe somebody didn't get to take advantage of yet, but we don't want to offer it anymore. This has happened to me. That person might be disappointed that they never got to take advantage of the offer that we had while we had it. But we shouldn't hang on to something in our own business.
That's not serving us anymore. Merely because somebody might just meet us pointed that it's not there anymore. Right. Or had I said no to that summit, like, would they have been annoyed? Would they have been disappointed? I don't know. Maybe, but at the end of the day, like I got to do what's right for me.
Right. I'm not, I'm not causing harm by saying no, I'm not being an asshole by saying no, it's just, it's just me declining the thing. Right. They might be annoyed. They might have to go back to the drawing board and find someone else, but ultimately like that doesn't need to be my burden. Right. So hopefully this helps you, uh, Figuring out how to say no to certain things.
So you can say yes to better things. Um, again, uh, I would love it if you are on Instagram, be sure you're following me at Eric cabins consulting. Say hi. Screenshot this, post it in your stories tag me. Um, I love, I always love to hear from my listeners and I know that if you share it, then there are probably people who follow you, who would love to know that this episode exists as well, or this podcast exists.
So. I always, always appreciate when people help spread the word about it and as always happy selling.
