Ep. 044: "Are they ghosting me?" How to Save the Sale & Not Make it Weird
It's easy to let you Inner Critic run the show when suddenly you stopped hearing from someone who was interested in working with you. Instead of assuming they forgot, got busy, or had something happen in their life, we think they must now hate us and just don't want to hurt our feelings. But that doesn't mean it's true, and making this assumption can lead to missed opportunities. So when you have the worry that you've been ghosted, here's what you can do instead.
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Erika Tebbens: If you've ever been having a conversation with somebody about potentially working together or even collaborating together. And then all of a sudden it's radio silence and you think are they ghosting me? Then this is the episode for you. So it can feel really weird when you are having a conversation with somebody.
Maybe you've had a discovery call and it seemed to go pretty well or you pitched to be on somebody's podcast and you got a positive response. And then now all of a sudden you aren't hearing from them, right? I mean, sometimes we have those times where we, we pitch ourselves for something or we have a conversation and it's just really awkward and you don't hear anything.
And you're kind of like, okay, well, it is what it is and you just move along. Right. But it feels worse when you thought it was a slam dunk and then all of a sudden nada. Right. So here is something that I want you to think about. So have you ever done the thing where somebody has sent you a message. So an email, a DM, maybe you use the Voxer app every day, like I do.
And you get that message. And you're in the middle of doing something, right? You're cooking dinner and you happen to check your messages and you're like, Oh yeah, that's right. Okay. So, uh, yeah, she's going to be on my podcast or I'm going to have her as a guest in my program or, uh, you know, this, that, or the other thing, whatever it is.
And you're like, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I got to get back to her. I'm going to send her. The link to book, I'm going to send her the contract and you have this whole conversation with yourself about it. And then that feels like you actually did it. In fact, as I'm recording this, I'm now doubting. Did I actually ever reply to my friend, Melissa, on that Voxer she sent me a few weeks ago? Or did I just reply in my own head? Right? Ooh, it's so awkward and awful to think about. Right? Cause you know, like you're not a bad rude person, even as I think about it now, I'm like, Oh my gosh, does Melissa think that I totally blew her off? She think I was ghosting her?
Does she think I don't like her? You know, we cause cause we do this right. When we don't hear back from somebody, we start to like mentally spin out or is that, is that just me great. I'm just being really vulnerable and open and honest with you guys. It's all good. Uh, but we, we do it all the time. Right?
We have that thing that. Is pretty minor on our end that we know we need to follow up with and then stuff happens, right? We either think about it in the moment and then it feels like we did it. So we mentally sort it to the done list rather than the to-do list or we're actually in the process of doing it right,
we're sitting on our desks and we're ready and then something happens, right? Like the dog barfs in the other room and you get distracted and you have to go tend to it and then by the time that you get back to whatever it was, you were doing, you just completely space it, right. You're onto your next, your next task, your next thing. And then days can go by and it's just not top of mind anymore. And this could be even for something like you are going to start working with somebody, right. So you're ready. You're excited. You are going to have them redesign your whole website. But then you have a couple of a really crazy busy days.
Now, it's not that you don't want to work with them anymore. You do want to work with them. Uh, it's just that other things have now taken urgency in your life. And it has moved that thing with them, you know, signing the contract, paying the invoice, whatever it might be. It has gone to the back burner in your life.
Now from their perspective, they're like, Oh my gosh. And this, this is where we started at the beginning of this episode. So picture yourself in that moment where you are on the receiving end, you are sitting there and you're like, I don't understand. I thought we were going to get started working together.
Like our conversation was really great and I got everything set up and I sent them the invoice. And now, it's not paid. And does that mean that they've changed their mind and they don't know how to tell me. And now I've, you know, sent like sent one email reminder or something and I still heard nothing.
So now are they annoyed with me? Are they mad? They find someone better. Do they find someone cheaper? And we go on and on and on just making up stories in our head. So. My suggestion to you is, uh, if you want more on this, right, go back to episode 11 of this podcast, which is don't forget to follow up. So these two are really going to go hand in hand.
So when you're done with this, go and listen to that one as well, but here is what I want you to think about. There have been many, many, many times that I have reached back out to somebody. So let's say I've sent someone off the stuff to start working with me or to like book a call or to do whatever and I've sent it in an email, and maybe we initially connected on Instagram or we were, you know, already connected on Instagram or on Facebook or LinkedIn or somewhere else and I haven't heard from them in a few days. And I look, I look on their social media and nothing tragic has happened, right. They're not in the hospital, they're not with like a family member in the hospital. Cause sometimes that happens. And if it does, then you can be like, Oh, I see that thing. I sent them, not nearly as important as the fact that, you know, their kid is at urgent care, right?
That they're with their kid at urgent care, they're busy, they're distracted, they're tending to that and that's okay. I will circle back around in a few days. But so you see that everything in their life appears to be normal and you can just message them and say, Hey, did you see that email for me?
Because so many times I've done this and then they go, no, I didn't see an email from you. And sometimes they go to their email and they realized it went to. A different folder or spam or whatever, or maybe it just never got there. Right. So technology is not perfect, especially if you're emailing from your a business account email.
Sometimes those end up in the promotions folder or the spam folder or the other folder, any of those things. And especially like on Facebook, if you send someone a DM and you guys aren't connected as friends, it will go to their other folder. Uh, that is for like non friend connections and they might not even see it.
So what I always like to do, if it's been a few days, things seem to be going okay. I just reached back out on a different platform or tool where I can connect with them that isn't email. And I just check. Did you get the email, and then when, you know, cause if, if they didn't get it, obviously you can resend it or maybe they found it now and they're like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
It was in this other folder. I'll take care of that right now. Right. So problem solved. Or maybe they say, Oh my gosh, I did. And thinks of just absolutely been crazy. And I've had this, that and the other going on. Well, great. Now you know that, Hey, it's cool. Look, I'm not mad at you. No worries. I just wanted to be sure that you saw it because I have had other times where my stuff has ended up in spam or people's promotion folders and they never even saw it.
Right? So it's really, really important to follow up with people. So always follow up, always assume best intentions, not worst case scenarios and follow up. Okay. So now I bet you're wondering, all right, I'm going to do that, or I have done that, but what about when nothing still happens? Well, I would say, and again, go back and listen to episode 11 called Don't Forget to Follow Up after this.
So you can get my, my little tidbits from that episode too. But. What I would suggest is creating some sort of timeline for yourself. Now that might be you follow up with them in a week or two weeks or a month or three months or six months, whatever it is, whatever makes the most sense for you, for the, your business, for the situation, whatever is happening.
It doesn't have to be that you are all up in their business every single day until you hear back from them. But find some time because maybe they really are. We're in the middle of something massive right now. And they're not sharing that publicly and they just can't get to it. Right. And maybe you follow up with them in a week or a few weeks, and that time is a better time.
And then they're like, Oh my gosh, yes, sorry. I've had a lot happening. Um, but I'm gonna, you know, follow up. I'm gonna take care of this. Now I'm going to pay the invoice. I'm going to, uh, you know, send you the booking link to be on my podcast, whatever, whatever it is. Um, or it might just be that they're ghosting you.
So. The last point that I want to make is I have noticed in my many years of business and making the ask of other people that a lot of times, unfortunately, especially women, because we are culturally trained to like, want to be liked and to not disappoint people that a lot of times women have a hard time saying no, or I'm not interested or not right now.
Or whatever the case is so often, and it's a super bummer and take this as a lesson for yourself to not do this to other people, because you know how shitty and awful it feels when it happens to you just know that sometimes people really feel super uncomfortable. Just saying no thanks or not right now.
They just do. Yes. It feels awful to wonder. Yes, we would rather get rejected than to just be in this weird ghosted limbo. But at the same time, know that it will happen and it's not necessarily a reflection on you. It doesn't mean you suck. It doesn't mean you're terrible. It doesn't mean they hate you. It could just mean that they are so petrified of disappointing you, that they would rather give you that radio silence than give you a direct answer.
So the antidote to this is when that happens. Just move on maybe in six months or a year or something you can loop back around, but truly just move on, make peace with it and then tell yourself, Hey, I'm not going to do this to other people, even if the answer is no, I'm just going to tell them no. And last little bit, like glimmer of hope.
I had an amazing client. I worked with, uh, last year and I just. Adored working with her. I don't even remember how we initially became connected, but she lives in the other side of the country from me. And we were emailing back and forth a bit. And I was like, Woohoo, this is a slam dunk. She is going to become a client.
And then it was radio silence for ever and periodically I would follow up. So maybe like, I don't know once. First, like it was maybe like once a week or once every other week. And then once a month, like, I don't remember now because it happened before. It was just little periodic check-ins, uh, here and there over the course of, I think like a summer.
And so eventually she wrote back to me. So I finally decided, I was like, okay. She, she is just ghosting me, like, whatever, it's fine. It made my peace moved on. And then one day I get an email in my inbox from her and she's like, I am so sorry. We've been traveling and doing this, that and the other. And I really didn't have the bandwidth at the time to even like start working with you, even though I really wanted to, but I'm ready now.
Right? So I had made my peace with it and I kept moving on and just doing my thing and working with other new clients. And then she came back around. Right. So never write anyone off entirely. Right? You don't want to burn that bridge. You don't want to send a nasty email. You don't want to start like slandering their name to other people because you never never know.
They might come back in the future when you've totally written them off and say, Hey, I'm actually ready now, too. Get started. So always, you know, allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised, but don't lose sleep over it. Uh, if you are finding though that this is happening again and again and again and again, and you're like, okay, really?
Like, it must be something that I'm doing, uh, or you want to make sure and be proactive that you don't do anything that is going to push people off or push people away. Let me know, reach out. Right. So I hang out mostly on Instagram @erikatebbensconsulting. So you can find me there, follow me there. Be sure you're subscribed to the podcast.
So you don't miss the episodes each week, but send me a message. If you're like, Hey, I have this situation. I need some suggestions on how and when to follow up, then by all means just reach out because I'm happy to help. There might be something that you have been making to be a bigger deal in your mind than it actually is.
And I am happy to talk through that with you so we can. Find a workable solution, something that is going to feel good and work for you. And again, don't forget to check out. Um, my other episode, uh, episode 11, it would have come out in, let's see, June of 2019 called Don't Forget to Follow Up because that, uh, goes way more into my follow-up routine.
My system that I do, and as always happy selling.
