Ep. 025: Are Excuses Holding You Back?
It’s not fun to admit, but we are really good at getting in our own way. We really do want success or different outcomes, but it’s just too damn easy to stay where we are. Our brains are really good at trying to protect us so it’s going to give you every reason under the sun why you need to do all those other things BEFORE doing the thing you know you need to do.
If you find yourself saying, “Yeah…but….” frequently, you probably have a problem with making excuses for yourself. Not to fret! We all do it. It’s just part of being a human. It’s just that primal brain keeping you cozy in your comfort zone. But here are some ways to stop those excuses in your tracks, so you can get where you want to be.
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Erika Tebbens: Hey, welcome to the podcast. Okay. So today's topic is going to be a little bit, um, honest, blunt, uh, it might make you have a little bit of some self reflection. You might even be maybe a little annoyed with me. I don't know. But I want to preface it all by saying that all the stuff that I will be saying in this episode is said with so much love and so much admiration for the fact that by the simple fact that you are here, that you are listening to this podcast episode, you are trying to learn and grow. Which is more than probably most people. Uh, so kudos to you for being here, especially if you are a regular listener. I so, so appreciate it. I really, and truly do. And this is also to say, because we're going to be talking about excuses and excuse making today.
That I'm not immune from this. Uh, I will be the first person to admit that sometimes I will let my excuses get the better of me or I'll, uh, let you know, stress or external situations or whatever. Just those random things that I will let stand in my way and I can make seem like, "Oh, this is a really good reason for me to do something or not do something."
But if I step back and I give it a little objectivity, I can see I'm just making excuses. And there could be a million reasons why I'm making that excuse, but it's still an excuse. So this is not me pointing the finger at you saying that I'm perfect and that I'm just like admonishing you and I think that you are a terrible, horrible excuse maker, anything like that, not at all.
I think that much like a lot of other mindset things, excuses are just one of those things that never, completely go away. We will always find new creative ways to make excuses for things that make us uncomfortable. So the more that we can be honest about it and acknowledge it and lean into it and figure out tools to ensure that we are not being a victim to our excuses, the better.
So, with that little caveat out of the way, I really, really, really have been wanting to for a while, have a very open and honest conversation about excuse making. I know that it is really easy, uh, when things like fear and worry and imposter syndrome and fears around being visible and fears about rejection, like when all of those things come up, one of our defaults is to make excuses for why we can't do something or why we can't do something right now.
Now I also want to be very clear that things like privilege exist in this world. That is very real, uh, marginalized people are very real. There are all sorts of very real things in our modern society that make it inherently, uh, easier, or maybe there are, I wouldn't even necessarily say like, easier straight across the board, but that there are fewer options placed, uh, before certain people versus other people.
Um, you're, you know, that's, that's my take on it. That's my opinion, but that is how I feel. So I don't want this to come across as, um, you know, well, you know, you can just do, you can do anything and your concerns aren't real and valid. Like, no, there are absolutely a hundred percent statistically founded, uh, real and true obstacles that are there in the world in 2019 for certain groups of people. So I do want to take some time to, uh, to acknowledge that. So you know how with, uh, mansplainers. We we say like, "Well, actually", like that, that like, that's the mark of a mansplainer that, like you say something and they're like, "Well, actually, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Right? So when it comes to excuse making, I view it as the "Yah buts". Right? So there's those people, you know, like on Facebook maybe, or on Instagram, where they ask for help with something, right? They, they need advice on something. And you're like, "Oh, okay, well, I'm gonna, I'm going to chime in, like, I have a solution, a possible solution that might work."
And you see, you know, so you, you give your, your 2 cents and like other people are commenting and you notice that like, everything that they're saying is, uh, back to people's suggestions is a "Yah, but.." "Well, yeah, but I can't do that because of this.." "Yeah, but I can't do that because of that other thing, yah but, yah but, yah but.."
Right? So this is very, very frustrating. And, uh, and I'll be totally frank. I've had people in my life who I have completely removed from my life because they did this so often that it was, uh, giving me intense anxiety every time they would be around. So, there was a woman who, uh, when we used to do a lot more like collaborative homeschool stuff, one of the other moms, she used to always complain about her child.
And she would need, like, she, she wanted our advice. Right? She needed, we weren't just like giving unsolicited advice. She would ask us our opinion on things and we would give her several different options. And then the next time we would see her, it would be like, "Oh, so what, you know, did anything get resolved with that? Or how did that go?"
"Oh, well, yeah. Well, so that didn't work because of this and dah, dah, dah, dah, you know, other, excuse this, excuse that excuse, whatever.." And this went on for months. And months and years and years. And finally, I was like, "I can't fucking take it anymore." And I didn't, I didn't have it out with her.
It wasn't huge drama. I didn't make a big deal out of it. I just like quietly, like unfollowed her and like stop really interacting with her because it's exhausting. Because for somebody that says, "Yeah, but.." all the time, they just want to complain. They don't want to improve. And yes, you know, complaining, inventing, like, let's be real.
It has its place. Like I'm always here for boxing, a friend of mine and just like venting out my frustrations to get them off my chest. But I am also somebody who is an action taker or at least tries to be. And I don't love just sitting around and complaining without actually doing anything. So an old district manager of mine, when I worked for Calvin Klein, she always had a thing that was like, "You can come to me with a, with a complaint, but you also have to come to me with a possible solution. Now that doesn't mean that that's the solution we're going with. It doesn't mean it's the solution. That's going to fix everything, but I don't want to just hear complaints. I want to hear complaints and what you're going to do about it." And I feel like excuse making is a lot of complaints with not a lot of, "What am I going to do about it?"
Okay. So I am going to, uh, illustrate this with a very, what I feel is a simple to envision story from my time in network marketing. Right? And it's worth noting before I go into this story that this is about monetary investments in your business. And the reason that I use a money story is because I feel like that is one of the clearest and most obvious, most common ways that excuses come into play in business.
But I will say that excuses around everything under the sun will come into play, we'll creep in, are used all the time on every aspect of your business that feels uncomfortable or scary, or, uh, just, you know, kind of pushes you outside of your comfort zone. So, even though I'm talking specifically here about monetary investments, once you start to realize, and really catch yourself and catch how frequently you might be making a excuses for yourself or for others, whether it's in your business, whether it's in your personal life or both, I guarantee you you're going to be shocked because I know I notice it in myself all the time. And so it's really more of a way to just become aware and start noticing this and then dealing with it rather than having it just be something that is sort of happening on autopilot. So the company that I was originally with, our enrollment kit was a hundred dollars. That was it.
It was never more, it wasn't like we had like multiple levels or anything like that. It was $100. It was always $100. Every now and then it'd be like on a promo or something. Um, like towards the end, when I was there, there were a few times where it was a buck and hand to God, there were still people who were like, "I don't know, like, I don't know if I.Should do it. Like it's a dollar, but.. Then like, but then if I'm selling, like what's the thing, you know, like I'm gonna have to pay taxes. Like, what's that thing how much do you have to sell before you have to like, start showing that it's like an actual taxable business?" And blah, blah, blah. Like these are the questions that people would get, right?
It's like, how about you, like, and it's fine if you're like, I really don't want a business. It doesn't matter if it's free. You don't want that business. But if you're somebody who's been saying, like, "I want to do this", and now it's a dollar and you're not doing it for a dollar and you're making other excuses.
Like, you really don't want that business. You're just be honest with yourself and say, "I really don't want this business." Okay. So, a hundred dollars. So every now and then there would be people who would be like, "Oh, I really want to join. I really need this. I really need the extra money. I really love these products, all of this stuff. I don't have a hundred dollars."
Okay. Well, that's, you know, different people are in different seasons. There's no shame in that. So let's see, let's get creative. How, how can we get you a hundred dollars? What can you sell around your house that you could get a hundred dollars? Is there anything that you could do that could bring in a hundred dollars, that's in addition to, you know, maybe you're maybe you stay home with your kids and so you're not working anywhere. So you can't just like pick up an extra shift or something like, but could you go do babysit? Could you like go I don't know, see if anyone needs help with any projects or anything they could pay you for.
Uh, like there's a lot of different ways that a person could get a hundred dollars if they really truly didn't have it in their family budget. Now, as an aside, I would say there are a lot of people out there who could go through their budget with a fine tooth comb and maybe cut back on a few things for a very short amount of time.
So a short-term sacrifice and have an extra a hundred dollars on hand. Right? So that is a very, very real thing. Like if you have, if you're going out to eat or do it, you know, different stuff like that, like you could just not do that for a bit. If this was really something that you wanted to do, and you could have that a hundred dollars.
But there are definitely those people who are like, "No, no, no. Our budget, every penny is accounted for. We don't even have any like extra spending on entertainment or anything. So I really don't have it." Okay, great. Then let's get creative and find ways, or maybe, oh, they have it in their savings account, but they don't want to spend it because then they're afraid they're not going to make it back.
Okay. Well, what if I show you how with your first home party that you're going to make it back like easily, like easily make it back. So this is not like me conning someone because I'm, you know, I'm not about that life. Um, but how can we easily make that back? Cause that's my goal as the person who is training you is I want you to get back to profitability right away.
"Oh, well, no, I can't do that because of this, you know.." So when it comes to bringing in extra money, "Yeah, but I can't do that because of this.." "Yeah, but I don't have anything to sell.". "Yeah, but I don't have any time to do anything else.." "Yeah, but there's no way I can make that money.." Okay. Well, what if it's you have a little bit of money, but you want to make it back right away because you don't want to be out that money.
Well, I'm going to show you how to do it. "Yeah, but I, it's not gonna work because of this or it's not gonna work because of that.." Again, it's just, it's coming up with excuses. Now it's okay. If you go, "It makes me feel scared. It makes me feel nervous. It makes me feel like I could potentially fail. And then if I'm out that hundred dollars, I'm going to feel really stupid." Because that's usually what it is.
Right? If you, if there was something that you really wanted that had nothing to do with like winning or losing or feeling failing or succeeding, you could find a way, right? If there was something really cool happening, like your favorite band is coming to town and you want to go and the tickets are a hundred dollars, right?
So if you get to go, that's automatic win. There's no loss, right? If you go, there's no loss, you're, you know, you're going to have a good time cause you love this band. You could probably find a way to get the a hundred dollars. Right? Because, you know, it's going to be awesome. But when it comes to business, you might invest that hundred dollars and it might not work out the way that you hoped.
Right? And I'll say this as somebody who like I'm invested a lot of money, not all of those investments have been great. In fact, some of them have been very frustrating, have been very disappointing, have been kind of lukewarm, not every single dollar that I've put back into my business has been great.
But if you spoke to any highly successful entrepreneur or company or anything out there, every single person is going to have some investments, some money they spent on their business that didn't work out the way that they hoped. Right? It's just, it's part of how it goes. Right? You try stuff out, you hope it's amazing.
Sometimes it's not. You learn you pivot, you grow, you change, you move forward. Right? So, uh, so yeah, so I know, you know, I've made investments, they haven't all panned out for me, but I understand the value in short-term sacrifice for long-term gain. And I have learned now that if something is flaring, something in me that is starting to cause me to make excuses, I can take a step back and go, "What is actually going on here? Is this valid? Is this, if I don't want to send this email right now", let's say, I think that's like an easy one for us to kind of wrap our heads around no matter what we do. Like, "I don't want to make this post. I don't want to send this email", whatever. Uh, it's easy to be like, um, "You know what now is not the right time."
So this is a perfect example. So as I'm recording this, I'm sending out emails for my Success Squad, enrollment is open. And, uh, today is Monday. I was going to send out the first email yesterday. Now had kind of a busy day. I could have carved out 10 minutes to sit down and do the email. Then I started thinking. "Like, I don't really tend to check my email much on the weekends and I don't think my people do either. Or if they do, they're probably not gonna do much about it. Right?" Cause usually like, I feel like my people are like me and were, we're kind of like busy with other stuff, family, life stuff, relaxing, whatever on the weekends. So, I thought, "I'm actually gonna postpone these four days of emails. I'm going to start them on Monday."
And that just feels better. Right? So I had to check myself and be like, "Are you, are you making excuses for why you're postponing this? Or is it actually coming from a place of like logic?" And in this case it was coming from a place of logic. Now there've been other times where, um, cause I don't have a lot of like fear around emailing my whole list, but if it's emailing a single person about something and I'll be like, "Oh, I gotta. Oh, I don't know. Maybe we'll do that later. Oh man. I'll just check Facebook again. Um, maybe now I'm going to go check Instagram. Now I'm going to, oh, you know what? I'm going to go do that. I'm going to go put a load of laundry in and then yeah, maybe I wasn't there something I was going to get on Amazon? I should probably search for that."
And you know, just I'm procrastinating because I'm afraid because I'm afraid of what, of, how that person might respond to me. Right? Depending on what, I'm the content of my email to them is, right? So in that moment, it's important to say, "Why am I not emailing that person? Is it because I'm scared? Is it, am I stalling because I'm, I'm afraid. And that's what it really is. And, and now I'm just starting to make excuses in my head of why can't email them just yet, or, you know, why can't push publish on that blog post or why I can't put out that podcast episode or whatever? Like, does it come with facts or is it with feelings that is taking me to this place of excuse making?"
Right? So now going further down the rabbit hole of, uh, business investments and sort of, uh, and this is the part where some people might be like," Oh, you're, you're, you know, I'm convicted Erika." So I have a very, very easy entry offer, right now at the recording of this, um, that is it's $250, and then I also have my Success Squad, which is a little bit more, um, but it's not, it's not a huge commitment.
Right? So, uh, I, there are many people who I know, already know, like, and trust me. And if you've been around my podcast long enough, you know, what know like, and trust is and what it's all about and why it matters. So there's people who already know, like, and trust me, um, who see the value in working with me to some degree, uh, no, I'm somebody that, uh, would give them helpful advice on their business and everything like that.
But even at a price point for one-to-one work of $250, which in the world of business coaching and consulting is a steal, um, there are a lot of people who still are like, you know, "I just can't, I just can't right now." And okay. Like, again, This could be a, you can't, like you really don't have that money on hand.
Uh, or it could be a, "I, I don't want to, but I'm afraid if I tell you, I, I don't want to, it will hurt your feelings. So I'd rather just say I can't." Um, either of those are, you know, they can be very, um, real things. And again, this is not me berating people or trying to make people feel bad for not spending money with me.
Because look there are, whether it's me or whether it's a course you want, or whether it's, um, graphics help you want from a VA or whether it's going to a conference that you're, you think would be really beneficial. Like, like you can take out me and my work and replace it with any other business investment.
And I'm going to give you the same advice. And I will also say that there are things that I've been approached about for my business that were business investments that really were not right. It was not the thing that I needed or I didn't need it right now, or I just truly wasn't interested. But on the flip side, there have been two times, no, make that three times when I have made very large investments in coaching that made me feel like I was going to throw up.
And, uh, and I knew they were the right thing to do, and I knew that they were with the right people and I knew it was the right time. And the only factor that made me pause was the money. And I looked at everything and I got very real with myself. And I said, "You know, are you willing to be momentarily, a little uncomfortable to get better results faster?" Right? Is that something you can live with? Now, some of the time, uh, especially with my first and most recent one, I really, it like put a fire under me to be like, "Oh crap. I really gotta, I really gotta start bringing in more money because now I'm going to have this thing I'm committed to every month. Like I gotta, I got to cover this. Right? So a lot of times making that investment that feels scary from a monetary point of view, it doesn't mean that you have the money right there and then to spend. But it means that you're willing to stop making the excuses, get out of your own way, make that commitment, and then commit to yourself that you will find a way to repay yourself for that investment or make that future money.
Right? So, uh, so I know that when I hear that back from people who I know have said, like, "You know, I get a ton of value from you. I would love to work with you one day", and all of those things. And then they say like, "I just can't right now." The thing that I would advise is to think about if it really is a monetary issue, think about the fact that what could you do right now to bring in that money, right? Again, whether it's me or whether it's something totally separate that you've been wanting to invest in that you feel like will help your business, really sit and be honest with yourself. Because maybe you're saying to yourself, like, "You know what right now I actually am just I'm, I'm in such the early stages of my business and I don't need to earn any revenue from it right now or not for a few years that I'm just, I'm very, very slowly growing the business."
And, you know, that's your intent and you're fine, and you're happy with that. And all of that is good. That's great. There is nothing wrong with building something slowly at all. If that is what you have decided you truly want to do. But if you have said, "I want this business to, you know, do whatever, replace my income in six months" or, uh, "Fund my kids' college", or "Pay for our annual family vacation." Or whatever the case may be, you can actually look at that and go, "Okay, then what am I going to need to do? If I need to start to bring in.." Let's just say for easy math, "$10,000 a year, 20,000, 50,000," whatever. "If I need to bring that in, what am I going to do now that gets me there sooner?" And that could be a hell of a lot of different things.
And I will be the first to admit that I am not always the answer to people's problems. Uh, I'm very forthright about that. But I will say that there are, there are things in this world in this great big world where we have more technology than ever, and more people than ever who can help with different things.
Uh, there is just so many, there's so many ways and so many things that you can invest in to help propel your business forward in whatever way that you need that help. But you have to decide for yourself if the thing that you want on the other side of the discomfort is something that you are willing to look at yourself and look at your excuses and call BS on and say, "This is terrifying. But I'm going to make it happen because my goal, my why is stronger than this fear and this discomfort." Because the fear and that has comfort will always be there. I'm in the middle of a big, uh, pivot right now in my, in my own business. And it's bringing up fear and discomfort and excuses and all sorts of stuff.
Nobody is immune from this at all. I promise you. But the difference is, is really checking in with yourself, if you have some other people who will help hold you accountable, that will call you on your BS, that's great. If you don't, I mean, honestly, part of why I started my Success Squad group program for emerging entrepreneurs, is a lot of times people in those earlier years, uh, they don't have a lot of entrepreneur, entrepreneurial, gosh, that's a hard word to say community around them in order to bounce ideas off of, to hold them accountable. Um, who will, you know, they can vent to about things and say, like, "I realize this is a mindset issue. Uh, what do you guys think? Do you have any help? Can you, you know, are you struggling with this too?"
That is why I created that program. So it'd be a built in place where it would be safe for us to discuss all of those hard things and challenges that come with growing your business, uh, at the start of it, right? There are things, there are ways, there are things out there. And it might be that the excuse you're making, it could in and I'm going to say on the flip side, in case, I mean, if you're already pissed off of me and you've clicked off of this, I guess you're not listening to me right now, but this is not always about financial investment, because the flip side of it is there a plenty of people who invest hella money and then their self-sabotage, their excuse is that they aren't coachable.
They're not teachable. They're not flexible. They're not open to those new ideas. They don't actually do the work. They, they learn all the stuff, but they don't implement it. Like there's trust me in every, you know, high-level mastermind and any high ticket program and any, uh, course that's $2,000 and above, there are a lot of people who spend that money and never do the work. I promise you. So this is not all, this is not just my rant on like, "People aren't paying me." It's not that. It's a thing on, because those, those same people will say when they are not doing something, so they've paid the money and maybe they've like gone through the modules or whatever it is, or they've been on the coaching call and then you go, "Okay, how's it, how's it going? Like when you put that into practice, like how how's it going? Uh, how's it working out?"
"Oh, well I haven't, I haven't done it yet."
"Oh, well, I thought, I thought you said you were gonna finish up your website and then start messaging people."
"Yeah. Well, you know, like I was just tired. I was like really tired when I woke up on Saturday. And then, um, like I had to get groceries and then I wanted to go to the movies. So I did that and then I came home and I like sat on a work on it, but then my mom called. Um, and then I had to make dinner and then after dinner, like I just was really tired again, I wasn't focused. Um, and then Sunday, like I forgot I had to go to this baby shower. So I did that. And then, um, I like wanted to go for a walk and-", you know, you get it. Like, I don't have to belabor this point. And then all of a sudden it's Monday and they didn't do a single thing of the thing that they said that they were going to do. And it's sure maybe their weekend was a little bit busier than they had thought it was when they made that commitment to get that stuff done.
But could they have done something? Could they have gotten a little bit closer? Could they say like, "Oh shit, I really like, I really suck this week. I didn't, you know, I didn't, I, you know, let my excuses get the better of me. I didn't plan well, I didn't use my time as I should have. So like Monday, we're just getting it done." And I've done, like last week, I had a less than stellar week personally, in terms of getting stuff done, I wasted a ton of time. I was getting in my own head. I was getting in my own way. Then I committed going forward. I even sat on Instagram.
I was like, "You know, I, I kinda like. But it was not, it was not my greatest week. Uh, I am not super jazzed about how it went. I take full responsibility, but I'm committed that next week I'm going to do better." Right? So today, I've been at it since 9:00 AM. It's almost 5:00 PM. I'm doing it. I've had a productive day.
It feels really good. I'm on totally different mindset. And I could have made a million, million other excuses for why I wouldn't have a good or a productive week this week, but I chose going into it, that was not going to be the case. Because after a while, like when I catch myself making excuses, I am sick of hearing them myself.
I am sick of myself saying the same bullshit over and over and over. And finally I go, "Oh my God. I'm saying the same bullshit over and over and over. What needs to change here? What's going on? How can we fix this?" Right? So again, whether it's money, time, whatever, whatever the case may be. If you find yourself saying, "Yeah, but.." Anytime that you want to do something or you feel pulled to something or compelled to something, or you have a deep burning desire to do something, when those "Yeah, buts.." cropping up, get very, very, very honest with yourself about what is really going on there. And then figure out instead of saying, "Yeah, but.." Say, "What can happen instead?" Instead of saying, "Yeah, but I don't have a hundred dollars right now to buy that enrollment kit. Yeah, but I don't have, uh, you know, that a weekend to work on my website or yeah, but I don't have-", you know, whatever the case may be, instead of saying that, look and go, "Okay, but how can I make it happen instead?"It might not be right away. It might take you a few weeks to figure out how to get an extra $250 to book a coaching call. But what if in that coaching call hour, you learn how to make $2,500?
Wouldn't it be worth? It short-term sacrifice for the long-term gain. So again, I'm in this with you, I'm in the muck and the mire with you. I do this same crap too. Again, this is not some weird ploy to get people to hire me, or to make you feel bad about yourself or to brow beat anyone. That's not it at all.
It's that you will only, it doesn't, you could have all the strategy. You could have all the effort you could literally have like an Oprah level team of people at your service. But if you are going to hold yourself back with excuses, you will only ever get as far as your excuses. So there you go. If you have questions about any of it, please let me know.
I am always hanging out on Instagram. I love to hear from people there. So be sure to head on over, find me @erikatebbensconsulting. Uh, go ahead and let me know what you think you can tag me. You can slide into my DMs. You can do all of that. Again, everything here was said with so much love and kudos to you for even fricking being here because so many people would "Yeah, but.." reason that they couldn't listen to a 30 minute podcast. But you didn't, you're here. I appreciate it. I love you. And as always, happy selling.
