Ep. 129: The Weird Crap that Comes with Leveling Up
As an entrepreneur who's in it for the long haul, you're going to have several different levels of your business. Often these align with revenue levels, but not always. And they can come at different levels for different people. This isn't because those levels make you physically any different, they are just arbitrary numbers after all. It's more about the personal significance we place on different dollar amounts. The same can be said about other milestones that aren't connected with money as well.
Businesses are living and evolving things. They are meant to change. This doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, it's just part of the process. But a business that's run by a human means usually the physical growth of the business happens only after the personal growth of the human at the helm. And this can feel really hard at times.
That's why in this episode I'm sharing some really honest behind-the-scenes thoughts on this process and how to navigate it.
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Welcome to the, sell it sister podcast. This week's episode is all about upleveling and the very unglamorous, very unsexy, very real side of upleveling. Um, and it feels very timely that I'm recording this now because, uh, mercury just went direct whether or not you believe in astrology or any of that.
Um, it's just wild. This last, uh, mercury retrograde period felt really. Heavy and not just for me, like for a lot of people, I know both inside and outside of business and in this moment in time, and also going back to kind of the beginning of the summer of 2021, I have been in this very slow, very gradual upleveling process of my own, which some of it was intentional.
And some of it I think is just weird growing pains, which we're going to talk about. I did a messaging intensive with my friend, Amber Williams, back in may. I'm starting a rebrand right now with my past client. Um, Solvay patch, who was, she's been on the podcast, uh, very recently. And in the interim, I was.
Revising and revisiting my flagship flagship program, rebellious success, which we just finished up the launch for, for the third cohort. Right. So it's been a lot of, uh, really like reflecting and revising and, um, just digging deep and being intentional and being mindful around what the future of my business and my brand and my offers.
Look like, and that is not always easy by either strategically, uh, energetically or emotionally. And I, I actually feel like the strategy is the simplest part. I feel like the. Emotional and like mental hurdles that you have to move around in an Uplevel are actually the trickiest because, um, I know strategy, I love strategy.
I do strategy. I geek out over it, but anyone can whip up a strategy, but to actually like sit with the person you have to become, as you implement that strategy, as you receive the things that come along on the other side of that strategy, or as you implement it, it's a whole other. So have you been in business for a minute?
You probably already gone through, gone through at least one up level, but if not, it's coming and I want to. Prepare you, or if you've gone through some and you're like, oh God, that it just feels terrible every time then. Um, hopefully you can also find some wisdom and reassurance in this episode. So as an entrepreneur, who's in it for the long haul, you're going to have several different levels to your business.
And often these align with revenue levels, but not always. And they can come at different revenue levels for different people, right. So it's not, it's not just like. You know, the, the sort of like shiny six-figures right. You may have one that is at $50,000. Like by the time, you know, you hit that and then you might have a little bit of a freak out and need to have an evolution.
And it isn't because those levels make you any different physically. They are just arbitrary numbers after all. It's more about the personal significance that we place on. Dollar amounts. And the same can be said about other milestones that aren't connected with
money as well. So for instance, if the highest amount of money you've ever made outside of your business was $50,000.
And now you're trying to surpass that it can feel really tricky because it can churn up a lot of stuff that is. I don't know what it's like to make more than $50,000. Right. Um, I don't know how I'll feel about this. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it up. Like we'll all be a fluke, so on and so forth.
Um, and some of those other milestones they could be, you know, maybe you've always. I had two jobs. And now you, you know, you started your business and that replaced one of your jobs, but you still had your other job. And now you're in a place where your business has been able to allow you to quit your other job.
And now you just have one job and that can bring up a lot of stuff. And a lot of like fears and funky emotions as well, but businesses are living and evolving things. They aren't. To change. And this doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. It's really just part of the natural process of business, but a business that is run by a human means that usually the physical growth of the business, meaning like how the growth is sort of manifested outward in terms of money or amounts of clients or opportunities, things like that happens only after the personal growth of the.
At the helm and this can feel really hard at times. So that's why I wanted to share some really honest behind the scenes thoughts on this process and how to navigate it. And I don't know about you. If this has been your experience, I'll just speak from mine. I feel like each upleveling is marked by similar thoughts, feelings, and emotions for me.
But as I start to break through higher and higher levels, it's like, It lingers for longer, or like, I have to do deeper work. I have to do like a lot of shadow work and I have to get like a lot more support and it just takes me some more like processing time to get through. It's almost like, you know, instead of a tiny little like McKee puddle for the first one where it's like, Ooh, that's gross.
Like I have to walk through that icky, mucky puddle, like I don't want to, but okay. And then it becomes, you know, like a little. Kind of bog situation and then it's like a full blown, huge ask swamp that I have to get through. Right. Hopefully that, that could illustrate a little bit better what I'm talking about and to understand that that's okay.
And honestly, maybe it won't always be that way. Like maybe right now I'm going through a big swamp and then the next one, like, I will have learned so much from going through a huge swamp. That the next one, we'll just feel like a smaller bog. And then the next one will just be like a mucky puddle. Right?
I don't necessarily think it always has to be this linear thing of it's so much harder every time. I think it's just why it feels so swampy for me right now is I'm literally like shifting into a mode where I don't think that anyone, at least of the women of my family. Has made the money that I do. Uh, I'd have to check with my dad.
The only exception being my paternal grandmother, who was a realtor and really just like feisty and fiery woman. But she died when I was fairly young and I don't really, I don't
remember too much. So I don't, I don't actually know, like, you know what, I know she was successful. I know she was, um, A really savvy business woman, but I don't actually know, like if I have surpassed her now, I'm, I'm not sure.
Um, and if, if I haven't surpassed her. I would fashion a guests that we are like neck and neck. Uh, and so very soon I will be, um, surpassing her and this stuff is, you know, it's, it's weird. And sometimes, uh, you know, we don't really know where the light stickiness is, is coming from. And that's why the reflection and stuff that I'm going to talk about in a minute is, is so important.
But, uh, but yeah, I, I feel like it could just be, you know, this is the phase that is, feels the most challenging, and then it's like maybe downhill. Uh, hopefully fingers crossed for the next few. And then, you know, and then maybe at another point down the road, it will be swampy again. Um, but I, I will have all the tools and the resources and the lessons and everything from this swamp that I can then take with me to the next one, because we don't, we don't lose any of these lessons.
Right. We, as we evolve, we get to take them with us. So part of these, these up levels, I feel like they are really marked by this internal work that often feels really icky. Right. It feels really hard. It's just like shadow work. It's the looking at the, like the. Less, uh, shiny sides of ourselves, right?
Maybe our, um, some of our unsupportive mindsets, some of our self sabotages, um, some of our maybe, you know, habits that we resort to that are, um, not really conducive to. Growth, or maybe there are things that we do as self-protective measures, right? They're um, they're, they're things that are very natural and human and understandable that we would do as a way to keep ourselves safe, because it's not that we are unsafe.
It's that we're. And like about to move into territory that we've never been in anymore. And that can feel unsafe, right? Like if you go to a city you've never been to anymore, or you've like grew up somewhere in a really like rural area. And then you go to a city, uh, it's not that necessarily, that city is unsafe.
It's just, it's a new experience. Can firstly, when I was younger, I always lived, uh, it sort of. More city areas. And then when I would go to like a rural areas, I would be like, it's too quiet. I'm really scared. It's too dark. Like it just, it felt, it felt unsafe. It wasn't actually unsafe. Right. But your imagination sort of starts to run wild with all of the horrible things that are possible.
Right. And I think it's very natural as. Our, uh, like increase our capacity to hold more, to achieve more, to earn more all of that, that it feels scarier because it's like, well, if I mess up now, I've, I've reached this really high height and now I will fall and it will be disastrous, right. If you just fall from.
The roof of a one-story house, you might, you know, spring your ankle, but you'll probably live. But if you're, you know, at the top of a, of a six story building and you fall like that, Even scarier. Right? And so I think that there's this like internal nervous system brain situation, uh, the people who are smarter than me could describe it more accurately, but this is just how it feels to me is that it's, it's like all of my internal warning bells are going off and it's.
This next level is dangerous and you're going to screw it up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, all of those thoughts. And so then your body's like, okay, well, I got to make sure that you don't get there. So start doing these. These things that sort of sabotage your, your own growth or make you question yourself or bring up, you know, scarcity feelings or imposter syndrome.
Again, let you know all of, all of those, all of those things. Um, and it's really, I have found what helps is being a better observer of those things and being able to witness. Those actions, thoughts, behaviors, all of it with out judgment and. Just really honoring why they're there and really trying not to be so judgmental.
And I would say that the, the judgment does happen. It comes up, it is there, but then it's reminding myself like, whoa, you're being really judgy to yourself right now. How can we look at this compassionately? And without self judgment, that is, I realized easier said than done, but it is just like anything.
Uh, practice and then what I've also learned to get better about I'm not perfect at it, but is when I'm witnessing it when I'm observing it with compassion without as much self judgment. Is sitting with the guilt and the grief that comes with it. And I think, you know, we are often conditioned that, like, if we feel discomfort, it means something is wrong and we need to problem solve a way out of that discomfort and quickly.
So I've been trying to get better about just sitting with it, like grieving the fact that, you know, it could be something like you realize that you've been undercharging for awhile and. You realize that perhaps you could have already been earning more money, right? You raise your rate significantly. You get a new client at that rate.
Hey, go, damn it. I could have been making more money this whole time, but you know, maybe, maybe yes, maybe. No, because maybe you weren't ready to be charging that price. Like internally you weren't ready to be charging. That price. So even if the price had been the price six months ago, maybe you wouldn't have been able to get a client at that price because you, yourself didn't feel ready to receive that price.
Right. And so there, you know, it's sitting with the grief of like, of what could have been, right. And then also let's say you're upleveling in your price. And you know that there are still people who follow you, who, who didn't work with you at that price. And now you're. Might be priced too high for them to work with you at all.
Um, or for a very long time. And I think as caring humans, that brings up a lot of guilt, right. We feel really guilty. It's like, I know what I know why I'm doing this. I know I'm choosing this decision and uh, this path I'm taking, but I, I feel really guilty and also thinking in terms of like, Well, what about those people who I was able to serve at that lower price?
Like I loved working with those people and what if I was never able to meet them or work with them or serve them or whatever, because I, I had been charging more all along. Like it's weird and it's something we'll never know. So we can't like, we can't unring that bell. We can't unravel time. I mean, some of them maybe they would have paid the.
Rate, and we sorta got to work with them and have that relationship with them and
everything and others, maybe not, but either way, like we don't know. And so it's really sitting with the like gratitude of, yeah, maybe, maybe they wouldn't have been able to work with me at a higher rate, but I feel gratitude that may rates for what they were in the time that they were, or that I had that offer that I had in that time I had that offer.
That they were able to work with me and I was able to get to impact them in a positive way. And I'm just going to sit with the gratitude instead of feeling the guilt. And I think also there's this other side of, you know, in the upleveling kind of going back to those judgmental thoughts and things like that are some of the, some of the most.
Common ones I think are really important to navigate and work our way through are a lot of things like who am I to do this? Who am I to have this? Who am I to be this? Right? Like if you already are making more money than more of your, even, let's just say your non-business friends. Like your friends from high school, your friends from college, if you're already doing better than them, and now you want more, right.
Is it sitting with the guilt and the self judgment around that? Like who am I to want more? Um, who am I to want even more spacious schedule? Uh, who am I to. You know, shut down this one offer that I have that people love and is maybe more accessible to do something different. Right. So it's a lot of, a lot of those thoughts and feelings come up in this process.
Um, and it can also bring a lot of grief around those relationships. Right. Um, And a lot of guilt because it might mean that some relationships are lost along the way. You might have a lot of really amazing people in your life. Um, like I do, I'm super grateful. I have a lot of amazing people who are really supportive and they they're super big cheerleaders for me.
And that feels wonderful. But on the flip side, there might be people who, for whatever reason, can't cheer for you. And. Are actually really like bothered by your success and they might have to step away from you for a time and it might not be drama filled. It might be like, might not be a huge blowout, but your success might hold up a mirror to something in them that they, you know it again.
And it's not judging them. And it's not saying anything bad about them. It's just, that's their own work to work through. Right. And that can be hard. But on the, and, and it's okay to, to grieve that, right. It's, it's normal. And I think healthy to grieve that and to grieve, you know, the past versions of ourselves who maybe made mistakes or, uh, did things that they wish they hadn't, or, um, didn't know certain things then that they know now, right.
Have to grieve all of this, but on the other side, We gain new friendships. Right? I am friends with amazing people right now who, I didn't know, four years ago when I started this business and I'm really, really grateful for them. And I know that in the trajectory of the last four years, I've made. Lots of amazing friends.
And I've had a few people who, you know, we just grew apart and I know that that will continue to happen sorta like the tides, you know, tides go in and out the seasons change. Like this is just part of it. And can I look at it without judgment? Right? Can I grieve? What is lost? Can I release the guilt as much as possible?
And can I be grateful for what was, and what is. We'll be. And I would say that in the end of
this process, really before the physical manifestations of the personal growth are available and apparent, like the last little bit of this is really figuring out how to come home to yourself and. Really sitting with who that new version of you is.
And honestly, part of why, like I love to be supported. I love getting personal, private support. I love group support, both free and paid. I, I know that for me to be able to move through these phases, like faster and without so much of that guilt and grief and you know, like all of that. Uh, all of that, like kind of muckiness I know that piling on support is what feels really good.
Even if I am grieving. Like even if I am honoring the grief and I'm sitting with it, it just feels good to know. I have that non-judgemental support in my life who can hold that space for me as I sit with that. And as I come home to myself, It feels really like, like the, where I want to like, sort of wrap it up as it.
I used to really judge all of the different, like versions of me, uh, Not like in the lake fake way, not like in the Madonna, like reinventing herself every few years to becoming like a totally different outward expression of herself. Right. I just mean like the different like phases of, of my life, the different eras.
Right. So there was like, you know, Erika living in New York city. And then there was like Erica, who is going to be a teacher. And then there was Erica who. Was kind of going against the grain of like the plan of her life and had a lot of self judgment around that. And then, you know, getting married, having a kid, homeschooling, having different businesses, working in other people's businesses, helping to run them, like all of those things.
Um, and then my new business, like my, my current business in the different evolutions of myself, Within that business. And I used to be really judgmental about that. Like, shouldn't you just be the same person, like always all the time. And what I've realized is, is at my core, I am like the true deepest core of me is still, has always been like it's that's like the through line, right?
Um, But I have evolved just like, you know, we, we evolved just like our businesses and stuff, and really like being with the evolution and trusting that like, oh, this is what is supposed to happen. This doesn't mean anything is bad or wrong or needs to be changed or anything. This just is what it is. And what's funny.
The last little bit I want to say is that as I've gone through this process, and as I'm on the precipice of. Rebrand and stuff. I, and I did this photo, this really amazing photo shoot recently with Chelsea Sanders, total dream. And she asked the beginning, like, how do you want to feel? Like, how, what do you want?
Like these photos to really like, embody or say about you? And I was like, It's really weird because I'm at like this next, up-level this next evolution coming home to myself and like sort of this new version of myself. And it's like weirder and Wilder quirkier than ever, but also everything else on the like financial side and the revenue side, all of that is going up with it.
So. Polar opposites. Right? So we were taught. We have to be more, you know, to, to earn more money and be more like financially successful. Like we have to be more serious and
more professional and know all of, all of that. And it's actually been the polar opposite for me. The more that I really, really, really tap into lake, what makes me.
Unique and what makes me too much and what makes me unpalatable for a lot of people, a lot of like the wrong people, I would say the more financial success I've had, and that doesn't always mean like it's been easy. It doesn't mean like it's just, you know, like a money cannon. You know, shooting cash my way, 24 7, 365.
It just means like the more I come home to me and then shine that out to the world in this very vulnerable way that knows that, like, I won't be accepted by all people. The more I'm actually able to like embrace. My gifts and my talents and why people hire me and why they like to work with me and why they like to pay me.
It's exact opposite of what our society tells us that we can or should do. So I just want to leave you on that note. Not that you have to like, be like me or look like me. Like, I just mean whatever coming home to yourself. Is whatever that like deepest version of you is I find that like the more you can let the world see that the more you can like really sit with the muck, uh, of upleveling and pile on support in a lot of different ways, even if that's just like time alone for quiet contemplative self care, I feel like.
You can get to the other side more whole, maybe not always more quickly, but more whole, and it feels more true. And I feel like you can sit better with D like disappointing people, right? So instead of like living with the guilt and letting the guilt and the, who am I to do this, have this, and be this like overwhelm you and overtake you.
I feel like. It more allows you to be like, there will be people who wish this had not happened and maybe who are upset or disappointed or have other challenging feelings. And I honor that that is their feeling, but this is my truth. And this is who I am, and this is what I want to do. And this is what feels right for me.
Not a lot of like, oh, Hey, go out and, you know, do this. There's three steps to blah, blah, blah. Like, so a little bit different episode, but I just felt really compelled to share this way with you. So take what you need. Leave the rest. Uh, I'm always, always, always rooting for you as you grow as the human at the helm of your business, and always happy to help you with the growth strategy for your business, if that is what you are desiring, but thank you for being here.
I really appreciate it. Make sure to tag me over on Instagram at Eric Dobbins consulting. If you're listening, tell me your ahas. Tell me your takeaways. Share this episode with the. And as always happy selling.
