Ep. 062: What it Means to Be "Authentic" in Business (& Why it's Good)

Sadly "authenticity" has become a bit watered down when it comes to the world of business, but that doesn't mean true authenticity no longer matters. Sure, putting on a front can get you business, but that's hard to sustain long-term. While you don't have to be overly vulnerable in your marketing, it's good to let people know who you really are. It helps to separate you from the competition, and it creates a deeper level of respect and trust. And that's what ultimately creates raving fans and long-lasting success.

LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED TODAY:

• Get my free No-Sleaze Sales Method delivered right to your inbox: Get Instant Access Here

• Want to read a transcript of this episode? Click here!

  Erika Tebbens: Today, I wanted to share some thoughts around the concept of authenticity as an entrepreneur and being authentic within your brand and within your marketing and I know from many conversations I've had with a lot of entrepreneurs, it seems that unfortunately, authenticity has become watered down to a point where a lot of people are like, I feel like we need, need a different word.

  I don't know what that word would be, but I just feel like a lot of people have co-opted the concept of being authentic, but they aren't really, and it's just, it's just been sort of used, uh, in this creepy, strange way, uh, as a, as like a trick or a ploy to actually get more business. And this has come up a lot in the age of social media and, you know, uh, Facebook and Instagram lives and stories where people are doing a lot more behind the scenes, um, sharing and just being, being more visible in a lot of, uh, in a lot of different ways.

  And while there is a lot to be said about, you know, showing behind the scenes and building that know like, and trust and, uh, taking a stand for certain things and showing your true colors and all of that, there is also this line that, uh, unfortunately gets crossed a lot and my friend, Megan Dowd, um, who I hope to have on the podcast at some point, she talks about this a lot in her business. And, uh, she has her one sock method, which is a way of explaining it as it's okay to share one sock, something about you, but not, you don't need to share all your dirty laundry, right? You don't need to share every nook and cranny of your personal life in order to attract in the right people.

  But it is okay if you have one sock, if you have one thing that is really, um, personal and meaningful to you and is maybe kind of vulnerable, but, it is sort of the, like a purpose or a, a foundational element of your business or something that really impacts your life a lot, then by all means, uh, share that out.

  But she really advised is against the, the really uncomfortable trend of people just showing up in the midst of a really difficult emotion, constantly just crying. Right?

  Sometimes there is a place for showing up and being super vulnerable and emotional in the context of your platforms. But I think, you know, we, we've all seen those people who just do it all the time and it, I don't know.

  It just, it, it rings very hollow. So that's not what we're talking about here today. I'm not, I'm certainly not going to advocate for the fact that you should air all your dirty laundry on all your platforms, just to get business that you should talk about. Anything that feels like too real and raw that you should, um, you know, make yourself cry and then, and then show up in your stories, crying every week about something like that's, that's not what this is about.

  This is about the originally intended meaning behind what it means to be authentic and, and how the process, this of being authentic in your brand and your business is very vulnerable, right? Even if you're not crying, even if you're not sharing those really like shameful, painful moments from your past, there is vulnerability there because when you are purely you and then people reject that it can hurt, right. It can feel really, really, really terrible. But I think that there's a lot to be said about honesty.

  And I think interestingly, so this episode was actually on my idea board of episodes. I wanted to come out in June. And then it just so happened, um, everything that is taking place in America right now, especially I know also there are, um, protests and events happening around the world, but specifically in America, it ended up being, being very timely that a couple of weeks ago was when I had the Tara Moore playing big episodes scheduled to go out.

  And then last week I talked about, you know, taking a stand in your business or talking about things that are polarizing and how that is a way to attract the best and repel the rest. And this just feels like, the next logical step in all of that, right? Because when you are putting yourself out there to attract the best people for you and your work, and when you are playing bigger, you are going to be vulnerable, you just are. Uh, and that is, that is really, that can be really hard and it can be really scary. And a lot of times, uh, you know, I talk a lot about visibility in your marketing and being visible in front of new audiences so that you can get new business, right? So that new people can know about you so they can hire you or refer you.

  Uh, but a lot of times I think why we, we really shy away from this is because it opens us up to rejection and it opens us up to a possible like ridicule and, and haters and things like that. But, why I think it matters now, especially is because of what I mentioned last week is that, we have a lot of, we, we also like, we each have a lot of competition, but we also don't have any, any competition.

  And here's what I mean by that, I may have a lot of people, or I, you know, I may know of a lot of people who also call themselves business strategists or business coaches, or they specialize in sales and marketing, right? There's a lot of those people out there. And probably, you know, thousands more for, you know, for every one that I know there's probably a thousand more that I don't know about.

  So I do technically have a lot of competition, but I also don't have any competition because nobody is me. Nobody has the exact experiences that I've had, the personality that I have, uh, the knowledge that I have the like way that I deliver my stuff, right? There's there are a lot of other variables that make me very unique.

  And I also, for a long, long, long time have decided it is just easier to be myself and let the cards lay where they lay, right? So I have kind of like a ridiculous little story to showcase this, so I've always been like a bit weird, especially from, I would say like middle school on, right. When you really start to go through puberty, puberty and come into your own, I've always been a little bit strange.

  And, uh, and I know that there was a time when I had my first job in high school where it was very trendy in the time and a place where I lived for girls to sort of dress up in these like cute dresses and stuff to do like social events, right, to go to parties on the weekends and everything. It was sort of interesting.

  I reflect back on that and I'm like, gosh, that's really interesting, but maybe I can equate it to like, maybe like the modern equivalent would be like, um, high school girls now, uh, doing like really good makeup, right? Like kind of like fancy, extravagant makeup, like contouring and, and things like that but this was more in the realm of clothing.

  So you kind of would get like really dressed up, and at the time it was these like, These like sat me, uh, kind of dresses, you know, from like Charlotte Russe to get these like satin dresses. And, um, sometimes you'd wear them with tights and like some cute chunky, uh, Steve Madden shoes. And, and that was like really a thing.

  And I thought I remember thinking like, yeah, I want to like take on this style, right? I'm kind of a schlub, I'm kind of a tomboy. Uh, and, but I want to be more girly, right? That was like my thing. I wanted to be more girly. And so it just so happened that I needed to wear like nicer clothes for my job in high school that I had at the time.

  But then I would try, so I had to wear these dresses and then I would try, like on the weekends when I would go to parties and stuff, to wear these dresses there and it didn't feel right. It felt really weird. I felt like, um, I don't even know if this is like a term people use anymore, but like a poser that used to be like a big, a big cut down when I was in high school like if you're a poser, I felt like a big poser right.

  At my job, it made sense because I needed to dress up. I was required to dress up, but when I'm just like, you know, socializing in someone's backyard, and I'd really rather be wearing like baggy Dickies jeans and, uh, you know, a tank top and some sneakers.

  And I'm like, I'm all dressed up and it felt so uncomfortable. It felt like it just, it wasn't the essence of who I was. I didn't have anything fundamentally against any other girls dressing like this. It just wasn't right for me. And I was like, you know what? I can't like, I, I, I just, I have to be true to me.

  Right? Whatever that means. Like, even if it means I don't look cute, like classically cute. It's like a teenage girl. Um, even if it means that I don't know, people will think I'm weird. cause like I, I dressed like kind of rock and uh, and I don't know, I'm like wearing these like band t-shirts and boys jeans and, and like skater shoes, like eat, whatever people's opinions of that were going to be like they were going to be in.

  I couldn't, I couldn't worry about that. I couldn't be consumed with that because what other people think of me is, is really none of my business, right? I love that saying what other people think of you is none of your business, right? And so of course, you know, I wanted to fit in and. And I, you know, I had my, my friend group and a lot of them were like punk and scott and like weird and different as well.

  So it wasn't like I was shunned, but I had to be really true to who I was. And as I got older, I just kind of lived this out in everything that I did. And when I was, so in the beginning of 2017, when we lived in this small town that we just moved away from, there was a selection I was asked to run and I did run.

  And I said straight out at the night of the democratic caucus meeting, I was like, I will do this, but I'm not going to change who I am in the process. I'm not going to water down who I am. I'm not going to go back through my Facebook and like pull stuff down that might be construed as like, you know, you know that I shouldn't have up there right there.

  I mean, there's nothing, there was nothing terrible as I, like, I had it even like, like egregiously bad on my Facebook, right, but I, wasn't going to tone down who I was as a human being, as myself. If I was going to do this, that I really was, you know, I was going to give it my all, I was going to put my best foot forward.

  I was gonna do the work, but at the end of the day, if people were going to vote for me, I needed them to vote for me and not who they thought that I was. And I know that in business, it can be, be easy to look around and see who the other big players are. And, you know, like, Who are they? What do they look like?

  What do they talk like? What kind of content do they put out? And I know that it can feel like, well, there must be something about that, that is driving business their way. And if I can just replicate that or imitate that in part, if I could put on that, like satin dress of, of their, their business persona, right?

  That metaphorical satin dress. If I can just do a little bit of that, then it will actually help me grow my business faster. And to a degree that might work ,right? There, there could be things that you could do to put on this facade. That would help you get business faster. But I, and I know like, you know, we, we all need money, right?

  We need money. We need clients. We need to get paid. Like we're not hobbyists or we're business owners. And that means that we need to like woo people and get them to, to want to spend money with us, right? So we can, so we can succeed in and keep moving our business forward. But, when you do that, you will have to keep it up that facade with those clients.

  And I don't know about you, but for me, that would not be fun. It would not feel right. So, the definition I have pulled up in front of me of, um, so authenticity is just like the quality of, you know, being authentic. So what does authentic mean? And it says of undisputed origin, genuine and so some of the other words that it gives our original, real, actual bonafide, uh, true, reliable, dependable, trustworthy, and honest.

  And that is how I view how I want to show up. It's how I want it to show up when I was running for office, because it felt like lying otherwise, right? Like asking somebody to vote for me with their actual vote and voting for me with their dollars as a client, it feels dishonest. Uh, it feels like a bait and switch.

  If I'm not my real self when they say that hell yes, to me, when they give me that vote, when they sign that contract, if I am actually not who they think I am behind the scenes. So I choose in, in my business and in my life and in everything that I do too, frame everything in this realm of am I being true and, and trustworthy, right?

  Would it be easier? I, and I know I've sort of mentioned this before an episodes we're talking about like content and like messaging and stuff. Would it be easier to make really sexy claims and promises that I can't necessarily stand behind in order to just get people's business? Sure. And people do it all the time.

  People who were talking about, you know, like I'm going to get you to six figures, this and that, or, you know, whatever. Like, and I'm not saying all those who say that are liars. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying there are, there was a lot of thought and intentionality that goes into what I do, because if you vote for me with your, uh, you know, recommending this podcast to somebody let's say recommending one of my courses to somebody recommending that somebody show up to a training that I'm doing, or, you know, in my Facebook group, or, um, even recommending that they, you know, hire me.

  It is fundamentally important to me that people know the reality of what they are getting and that they are making their informed decision based on reality and not smoke and mirrors. But the flip side of this, is that when you are you, it also means that people might not be into that, right? People might not resonate with you.

  They might not like what you have to say, they might, unsubscribe from your emails, they might unfollow you on social media. Uh, they might even talk crap about you to other people. Like, I don't know. Luckily I will say like, I don't know what it is, but people tend to like, not be outwardly mean to me. Uh, which, I mean, which is lovely.

  Um, again, I don't know. I don't know why it doesn't happen. Like people just, I think quietly leave my space. Um, And I don't get, I don't get too much pushback and I've never had a, like a massive, um, you know, online crusade against me or anything like that. But I, I do choose, uh, I do choose authenticity and, and I do know that that makes me vulnerable. Um, but I'm, I'm okay with it.

  And I think it's worth it. I think if you are in this for the long haul, I think that it is, it is good. I sort of lean into that like Brené Brown vulnerability, because what ends up happening is the people who resonate with you, they, really resonate with you.

  They will be your raving fans, they will champion you, they will, uh, they will know that you are the real deal. They will know that you are authentic and that you aren't just saying what sounds good in order to make a buck. And, and I think there are a lot of people out there who are just, you know, trying to get that quick.

  Cash grab or, uh, and, or they are trying to get that fame and they, they don't, there's not a lot of, um, substance underneath. There's not a lot of long game and, and we see it. We see it when, when things happen and people big influencers, the big names have to show up and, um, you know, really like just kind of be raw and maybe admit mistakes or, uh, take ownership of things or, you know, I don't know, like answer to people who are really genuinely upset and have been hurt by them and, and we just, we see a lot of, uh, a lot of floundering, a lot of Lino, carefully crafted statements, um, a lot of bad behavior and it just, sometimes it makes me ponder, like is what they've been doing rooted in, who they really are as a person.

  And, and if it is, if this really is their authentic self, like, wow, maybe they're, like, maybe what people thought that they were isn't, isn't who they, I don't know, like it's not who they actually thought they were dealing with or there's this level of disappointment in that they assumed the person had different values or different ideals or a different mindset. And now, they're like, Oh, actually this is, this is what's really behind the scenes really behind the curtain.

  So I don't know if that last part made a lot of sense, but maybe that was just a little, little too much of me like rambling my thoughts out on a few things that I've been, I've been seeing lately. Um, as I record this in early June. But, uh, but yeah, that's, that is my, that's my takeaway on it. If it feels too vulnerable, I'm not here to condemn you.

  I would love to have a dialogue with you. I would love to hear your thoughts. I would love to hear with, you know, what you're struggling with. I get that in your life, in your personal life, in whatever setting or situation that you are in, being your true self can put you in a lot of danger. I, I fully, fully, fully understand that.

  And I do not want to minimize that at all. So, if this is, you know, if this is something where you're like, well, um, you know, like, I don't know, like I can't be out of the closet, right? It's not safe for me to, um, to be out of the closet just yet in my personal life, so I certainly can't do it in my business life.

  I feel like that is of those areas where it's like, we, we don't have to show everything being authentic doesn't mean that we show absolutely every part of ourselves. Like at the end of the day, we have to, we have to protect ourselves. We have to understand our own privileges and our, our, you know, our own safety and our own real realities, right? That is a very real thing, even in 2020.

  But I would say if there are other parts of you that you can be really real about within your business, if there are things about you even like even silly things like this, doesn't have to be super heavy, right? If you are like, I, freaking love. I don't even know stamp collecting. right?

  You're like, I'm super into it. It's my hobby. I love it. I know it's dorky and it's soup, but I like, I think it's super rad. Like you can weave that into what you do. It doesn't mean that everyone who ends up working with you is also going to love, stamp collecting. Uh, but it shows a real human side, a real authentic side to you.

  So we'll get this does not all have to be like, Oh my gosh, being authentic is like, so, so heavy and so vulnerable. But like, there might be people out there who see that you collect stamps and they're like, wow, that is super stupid. Like, but do you really want to work with somebody who like, they might say, like, I don't know, it's not for me, but like, I think that's rad that you love it, but like, you don't want to work with somebody that thinks you're a total loser cause you collect stamps. Right?

  So I think that there, there can be a fun, playfulness to this too, like everyone knows, I love parks and rack and I love Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit and like I played roller derby and I like to knit like all these different things, people know that, that is also being authentic.

  Uh, but. You know, so that, that's just something that I wanted to, I wanted to make sure I addressed. There are things that we don't have the space to be vulnerable with and authentic with all the time. But when you are having those moments where you think, I feel like I want people to know this about me, but I'm nervous what they'll think or.

  Maybe I shouldn't talk about this because the big names in my industry seem to not want to, and even though I really want to, but I don't know maybe that's like not right. When your gut is telling you something like listen to your intuition, right? And trust that when you do that, the right people will hear what you have to say.

  But again, if you, if this is something you're struggling with, reach out message me, I'm I can't claim that I'm going to fix it for you or make it perfect or anything like that. Uh, but I, if you're feeling led to show up more as who you are, uh, in your business, and even if that is just, you need a virtual high five.

  I'm here for it all day long. So find me over on Instagram @erikatebbensconsulting. And, uh, if you love this episode, feel free to, you know, screenshot it and tag me over there, put it in your stories and, um, share it with friends. I would love it. And if you haven't subscribed yet, go ahead and do so, so that you will get a new episode for me every single Wednesday. And as always happy selling.

  Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the, sell it sister podcast. If you loved it and you want more, be sure to subscribe so that you never miss an episode and then head on over to sellitsisterhood.com to join my free Facebook community group. And as your mama said, sharing is caring.

  So if you got a lot of value out of this episode, be sure to share it with your biz besties too.

  Okay now, get out there and Sell It, Sister!