Ep. 036: How to Rest & Not Feel Guilty
Running yourself ragged is no good for anyone. We all know it's important to rest but how do we do it when we feel guilty about it? Or when we feel nervous that we will only come back to more work? Tune in to hear how and why I started prioritizing rest without feeling guilty. And guess what? I ended up making more money in the process!
LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED TODAY:
Get my free No-Sleaze Sales Method delivered right to your inbox: Get Instant Access Here
-
Erika Tebbens: Before we dive into the episode, I wanted to share a little bit about my group coaching program, The Success Squad.
If you find in your business that you aren't quite as booked out, as you would love to be. Perhaps you are having some amazing revenue months here and there, but it's really inconsistent, or maybe you still haven't hit a revenue goal that you've set for yourself. Maybe you really overthink what you should be offering and you're confused around how you should actually be putting it out there into the world, then I have great news for you. Because you're going to get all of that and more when you join The Success Squad. So what can you expect? In The Success Squad, I make sure that all the squad members get a ton of clarity around what they should be offering and how they should craft their messaging so that the right people are finding it and loving it.
And then you get a ton of confidence around visibility, showing up different places, getting the word out so that people actually know your offer exists. And then some tools and tips on how to actually close more sales, how to sell those amazing offers. And lastly, you're going to get a phenomenal community of other entrepreneurs who get it, because even if you have some incredible people in your life who are really supportive and they've got your back.
If they aren't running businesses of their own, they don't always completely understand your struggles. Right? So if this sounds like something that you're curious about, that might be the exact thing that you need to get, where you want to be in your business, then I would encourage you to go to bit.ly/success-squad and read more about it. And on that page, depending on the time of the year, it'll either let you apply or get on the wait list. And if you have any questions, just be sure to reach out because everybody deserves a squad.
All right, now, onto the episode.
If you're listening to this, this in real time in the week that it launches, then next week is going to be the week of Christmas.
And I will actually not be releasing an episode on Christmas day, because this year, uh, Christmas happens to be on a Wednesday and that's the day that these episodes always air. And so I decided, you know, what. I just want people, you know, whether they celebrate Christmas or not like just chill, just I hope you have a restful a restful week. Um, especially because you know, the very next week is a whole new year. And so that can be, that can be really stressful and it can bring up a lot of, a lot of things for people. And especially if you are having to travel for the holidays, that's stressful. If you have to be around family members that, um, you know, rub you the wrong way.
That's stressful. So I just figured, you know what, we're, I've been going every single week, uh, the whole year, since we launched this in April and I've been very consistent. And so, yeah, we're doing a week off. But, uh, I'm really excited for a whole other year of doing this podcast and sharing it with all of you because I absolutely love it.
And thank you to any of you who, uh, have been listening at all. Even if this is the first episode you've tuned in for, I just really appreciate your, your time and being here and listening to what I'm putting out in the world. And I hope that it's always of tremendous value and service to you in your business.
So without further ado, let's get into the episode.
So today's episode is all about how to rest and not feel guilty. So for people who I work with, uh, who are very much like me, this is a hard, hard thing. When you're ambitious, when you're high achieving, when you're a real go getter, it can be very, very, very easy to slip into a pattern of worthiness being equated to how much work you are getting done.
And I know that when I talk to people and when I talk to my clients, there really is that worry of, well, you know, if I step away, it's just going to be worse when I come back or, uh, you know, what, if somebody wants to do business with me or, you know, like book a call or whatever the case, and I don't get back to them within 15 minutes and then they decide to work with somebody else.
So what I'm going to need to do is have, uh, all my notifications on all the time, be forever checking my inbox and all of that out of the fear that things will dry up or it'll all be a hot mess when you, when you come back to it. So this is something that I have struggled with I'm a lot better at it now because I've consciously practiced this for the last, um, gosh, couple of years now.
And, uh, but you know, it's not perfect. I'm not, I'm not perfect with it. There are still some times where I get worried, like, uh, in September I went away for a week on a family vacation. And I was like, "Oh my gosh, like, uh, my, my Success Squad ladies." So for instance, I usually post in that group, um, most, most weekdays.
And so since I was going to be gone during the whole week, I thought, "Okay, well, you know, what should I do? Should I be, should I be posting stuff? Should I be checking in? What if they need me? What if something's happening?" And then I was like, "You know what? What, like, first of all, know that they're all people too, who also like to take vacations. Like you don't need to be checking in every day."
And interestingly, while I was over there, there were a few days that I did post stuff in there, but it was because I was like, "Oh yeah, I just thought of this and I'm excited to share it." And so it was from a place of excitement and not obligation. Right? So and I'll get, I'll get into that a little bit more in a second. But, uh, but like, no, I, I intentionally didn't schedule any coaching calls that week.
Uh, they have the group of each other in there. Right? Like even if it was a one-on-one client who didn't, who's not in like a group coaching setting. Like yeah, if they sent me a Voxer message or, you know, uh, like shoot me an email or something. Like, there's nothing to say. Like if it's something important, I mean, we, we are so plugged in.
It's not like I was completely unplugged for an entire week. Like, I can, I can answer a quick question at the end of the day or something. I don't mind. It was more of a feeling of like, I don't need to be on 24 seven, right? Like I'm not helping people who are doing brain surgery where you're going to need a quick answer, because if you don't have it, it's life and death.
Like, that's just not the reality of the situation, right? Like all of, all of our businesses are important and we all want to be supported and helped. But again, none of this is life and life or death. So. I think that's, uh, important to realize. Yes, it's great to be passionate about it. Yes. It's great to love what you do.
And it's great to want to be the best you can be for your people, but it's not life or death. So turns out that was fine. We were gone for a whole week. It was no issue. Um, but before, I really, really, really used to like, not be able to completely shut things off. I had that scarcity mindset. I had that fear.
I was like, you know, I was doing everything myself and I was doing a lot of busy work that now I can look back and see like, ah, it was, you know, could I get a streamlined, could have made that a little bit better on myself. Um, but I was, I was working how a lot of people work and then when I burned out, I was like, I have to figure out a different way.
I have to figure out how I can have a business that has built in rest. And over the last two years, as I mentioned, I've worked really, really, really hard to get used to this new way of, of working. Cause I'm, I'm a really good worker bee, right? Like I can really produce. I've really been that person. That's like, you know, if I produce more than I'm more worthy and, and all of that, but it's, it's really unnecessary and it's not helpful or healthy.
So now here is how I go about it. And I have other episodes where I talk about my, my weekly workflow and all of that, but I really like to contemplate the rest at the outset. So, uh, I know in last week's episode, I talked about planning your year and a big thing for me is that intention of how I want my, my weeks and my months and my whole year, like, what do I want them to look like?Now, are there going to be busier or more hectic weeks? Sure. But overall, how do I want them to look and feel? And for me that means not working on the weekends, unless I'm really inspired to do something. Or unless let's say I'm traveling or I'm at a conference.
But for the most part, I want my weekends to be time that I'm switched off of work. Same goes for my evenings now, every now and then I'll do a, like a training on something in the evenings. But I'm not taking actual coaching calls in the evenings. I'm not at my best, right? My, my brain, my brain power, my freshness, all of that is not at my best.
I need evening time. Even if it's just a few hours on the couch with, you know, Netflix or a good book, or my knitting, I need that time to unwind. I need that time to switch my brain out of work mode. I need time to, you know, have dinner with my family and things like that. And travel is really important to me.
So I need time to get away to travel. I need time to reenter back into life and work and not hit the ground running when I've got jet lag. So, uh, like on that note, I now start with, when do I want to be working and when do I not want to be working? And then I plan in reverse. Again, if you haven't listened to last week's episode on planning your year, I highly encourage you to check that out as well, because these two go very hand in hand.
And another thing that I have had to really, really, really work on is knowing that like I, me as the CEO, I need to take care of me first or I'm not good, I'm not worth anything to my clients. Right? So, if I am exhausted, my brain is not going to be as high functioning. And if my brain is not as high functioning, then I am not going to give as good of advice as I could on coaching calls.
And I'm going to be too tired to want to show up and give value. And I'm going to be too exhausted and overwhelmed to want to do the other things like record podcast episodes that I need to do for my business. So I now just have had to give myself permission that I'm going to rest and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.
And that, uh, if somebody ends up working with somebody else because they were like the Amazon of a business coaches. Right? Like it's like immediate, you're getting on now. Like you got that prime shipping, all of that. Like, they're probably not the person for me. So this actually happened earlier this year.
I forget what month. Um, we had, I don't even remember what it was. I think it was when our dog was really sick or something. I honestly don't remember it. There was some big kind of emergency type thing that had happened. And I ended up needing to reschedule a discovery call with somebody. So when we rescheduled, it was couple of days later and she said, she like messaged me before.
She's like, "Oh, I want you to know. That I've already hired, uh, a coach, but if you want to chat.." Anyways, and I was like, "Well, you know, I, I would love to get to know you." Like, I really do enjoy getting to know people. And, um, you know, there doesn't have to be a monetary relationship that comes out of it. And at first I was like, "Oh, my gosh, I, I shouldn't have rescheduled that. Like, I can't believe it. What if she would have hired me and I just lost out on all that money and getting to help her. And now this other person's working with her and like, I'm such a jerk. I should have just like kept it. I should, why did I, why did I prioritize my family and our lives over a 20, 30 minute discovery call that would have, you know, brought money right into my business."
And I was really beating myself up. And then I was like, "No, you know what? I did the right thing." Like I am going to prioritize myself and my family over everything. And you should too. Now I don't mean this as an excuse, right? There's a difference between, uh, intentional prioritizing and just using your life and your family and other things as an excuse.
But this was not me making an excuse. This was me making a conscientious decision that right now, my family needs me as a priority. Right? And so I'm going to honor the commitment I've made to myself to be there for my family. And if that means that I miss out on a client, because they felt like somebody else was a better fit or could start working with them, you know, two days sooner or whatever the case, then that business relationship wasn't meant to be, at least not right now. And that was me stepping into my integrity. I'm really big about running businesses with integrity. And that was me stepping into my own integrity. And it's what I would encourage for you. And, you know, do I still sometimes think back and think like, "God, you know, that was, that was a real bummer that the timing was so shitty."
But I know I was in alignment with my personal values and I'm okay with it. And I want you, if this is something you struggle with to be okay with it too. Because I have been on the other side, I have been the spouse and the mom who put my business in front of everything else. So there was at the very beginning of, so it must have been 2013.
So I'd started my other business in August of 2013. And I was really gung ho that I was going to promote my, I was going to hit my first promotion that fall. And so I was really trying to, uh, you know, have do parties, do home parties and, and everything. And I was able to have a party that was on my son's birthday.
I think it was in the evening. And so, I know that my husband and took him and a friend over to like, do this really cool thing at his glass museum, this glass blowing thing. And I know that I hung out with him, uh, in the morning, I believe on that day. This was a while ago so I don't recall all the details, but I got to spend some time with him on his birthday and then they left, but I didn't get to go with them cause I had this party.
So when I think back and I think, you know, I probably made, I dunno, a couple of hundred bucks on that party. Maybe not thousands, like few hundred, 150, 250 at most. Um, and eventually that woman did sign up under me, but she didn't last very long. And I think maybe her signing up under me, like it did help me promote, but again, all the details are fuzzy.
This was six years ago now. Right? So I think back and I'm like, "Was it worth it?" No, it wasn't worth it. I should have been there with them. I should have had that fun day at the glass museum, uh, doing glass blowing and all of that. I should have been there, but I didn't, I was nervous that if I didn't do this party, that I wouldn't reach my goals, that I would never be worthy of having success in that business. I was coming in it from a place of scarcity mindset. And now looking back, likit makes me want to cry. It makes me want to bawl my eyes out. I can't believe that I prioritized my work over my son's birthday because I feared that I wouldn't get another opportunity if I didn't do her party on that night when she wanted to do her party.
And that freaking sucks. Right? You can't get that time back. And so interestingly now, cause I'm still friends with a lot of the people who, or leaders, uh, or our leaders in the company that I was with. And there's a leadership incentive trip, uh, every like early fall. And I remember this year, seeing people who are away and seeing people post, you know, that they had gotten up a little early and they were doing a little work before they started the day.
Now again, maybe this was, you know, they maybe had jet lag and so they ended up waking up at 5:00 AM and like, what are you going to do? You're not going to start drinking at 5:00 AM on your tropical vacation. So like might as well get something productive done, right? Or maybe they felt really inspired and wanted to get something out just like I did when I was on our trip and I was posting some fun things for my Success Squad ladies.
So there's no judgment that I have for them. Like, I don't know what they were doing. I don't know what their intention behind it. That's totally on them. It's not my business. It's not, you know, it's not anything. But it made me realize that a few years ago, seeing that post and, and being there with them, I would have been like, yup, I get it.
Like, I get it. You want to be on all the time. You can't, you can't risk, like the backslide, because especially in the business we were in before, like it's very easy. It was very easy to backslide if you didn't stay on top of stuff all the time. And I didn't want to be that chained to a business anymore to my, to my working part of my life.
And so now that I have this objective view on it, I was like, wow. Huh.I didn't even bring my laptop with me when we were in Stockholm. Literally it wasn't with me. If you only, the only updates I was posting in our private Facebook group were from my phone. I didn't have my laptop with me. And I think about it, and I'm like, if that were me, if I was still in that role, if I was still in that mindset, it easily could have been me. It easily could have been me sitting in my hotel room, looking out over the beautiful beaches in Maui and hustling to get work in that needed to get done so that my business wouldn't take a hit.
And it made me realize how far I have come in the last three years. And how it all started with the mindset shift of giving myself permission to rest. Of giving myself permission, to unplug and step away and really nourish myself and be in integrity with my values. And you know what? My business now is way more financially successful than my business then.
And I work about half the time. And I rarely work on the weekends and I rarely work in the evenings and I have a lot more time for my family. And I have a lot more time to, you know, go out to lunch or dinner with friends. To take a bath and read a book. To go for a walk with my dog. Because I was intentional and I built that in and I gave myself permission that rest is important.
Rest is good. You're gonna, you know, work your butt off when you're working, uh, you know, in a good way. I love, I love what I do. I'm happy to do it, but you're going to work. You're going to be focused. And then. When you're off, you're off. And you're not going to feel bad about it. And when that guilt creeps in, you're going to do some mindset work.
You're going to do some journaling if you have to talk to a trusted friend, work through it, but ultimately you are not going to be on 24 seven because that isn't good for you. It's not good for your family. It's not good for your clients. So as we wrap up the year, this is me giving you permission to rest and not feel guilty about it.
Because the other thing I know about ambitious high achieving women is that a lot of times we feel like we can't give ourselves that permission. So this is me giving you the permission right now, to rest. There is nothing that you need to do, or there shouldn't be anything that you need to do that is so mission critical that you would be working on a holiday week, the last week of the year, uh, in order to feel worthy of success.
There's just nothing. If you are like, "Well, the way my business is structured, I have to be on all the time." Reach out. This is one of the things I'm phenomenal at. I will just say that flat out. I'm really good at helping people restructure their time. So they can bring in more revenue and work less. And the reason I'm good at it is because I've been on the other side and it nearly destroyed me.
And so I had to figure out a better way and I did, and it's not flawless. And I still sometimes slip back in old bad habits, but it's far superior to the alternative. So go ahead and find me on social media. @erikatebbensconsulting. I hang out on Instagram, probably the most. So find me there, tag me there, DM there, I love, love, love meeting, new people.
I'm such an extrovert even online, so reach out. And again, if you're listening to this in real time, if you, you know, whatever you celebrate this week or don't, I hope it is a peaceful week. I am so excited about next year. I'm so excited about. The women I will get to work with and lives and businesses I will get to impact and just know that I am always here rooting for you and as always, happy selling.
