Ep. 018: When Personality Tests Become Self-Sabotage
Are you someone who loves taking personality tests? I love them too, but it's important to use them as a way to help us amplify our strengths, instead of falling back onto our weaknesses.
Too often I've heard people use their personality as an excuse for why they can't hit their goals. It's simply not true! I'll be talking about ways to look at your personality as an asset rather than and excuse in this episode.
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Erika Tebbens: I am stoked for today's episode because this is going to be a fun one. And also, uh, it might be a very convicting one as well.
If you are somebody who has without even intending to, been holding yourself back because of a limiting belief surrounding your personality. Or the results of a personality quiz that you have taken. So first things first, I will say, I freaking love personality tests. I love them. I remember being a kid and reading Sassy magazine and Jane magazine.
And there would always be those ridiculous quizzes in them. I know there's like the Cosmo quiz and stuff too. And I would always take them. I always loved them. Even though I knew, you know, they're just random, they're just magazine quizzes, but I just love stuff like that. And so now, you know, we have, my gosh, there are literally so many different types of quizzes. There are quizzes I've taken for my personality where I, I don't even now remember whatever my results were. Uh, there was someone I took that was like a color one. I think I'm an orange. I don't even know. I don't know. I don't remember what that means. I did it in grad school. I think it just meant I'm like, kind of like wild, like rebellious or high energy. I truly could not even tell you. But we have an abundance of ways to measure our personality now. Right? So originally it was your horoscope, right? So I'm a Scorpio. So again, I'm, you know, kind of wild and, and, uh, and outgoing and, and all of those other Scorpio traits. So that was kind of like the, the original personality test, was your, your horoscope, right?
And then even there, you can really dive in to even more stuff around, you know, your, all your different signs and the rising and the, you know, if you're, if you're into astrology, like you can do a super, super deep dive just into horoscope stuff. Right? And then now there's also human design, which I haven't done. I think you have to use like a, you have to go through it with the person. I actually have a client of mine who, who does it, but I even still, like, I know a little bit about it, but I don't know a ton about it. So I don't know what my human design profile is, but I know that right now, especially the Enneagram is the hot new one.
And there have been others. So I know a lot of times, uh, companies will have you do like the Kolbe, which I think is the Kolbe A, I don't know, then there's the disc, the Myers Briggs, you know, all of these different, these different ones to kind of get to know, um, or even like, like what your love languages, uh, so that way they can kind of get to know who you are, how you operate, how you'll interact with other people at your place of work and, and all of these things, right? So I'm just going to list you some of the ones that I know. So on a test, one test that I don't even remember now, what it was. Uh, I am a, I don't even remember what this test was, but I am a visionary.
And then I know that on the, uh, fascinate test, I am the Maverick leader persona. Myers Briggs, on the Myers-Briggs. I am a E N F J or sometimes P depending on the test. I'm usually for that last letter, I'm usually kind of like a 50, 50 split. So depending on what it's asking, I either end up swinging a little bit more to the J or the P side. Uh, in terms of Hogwarts house, I am a proud Gryffendor and for the Enneagram, I'm a three with, I believe a four wing.
I have to, I have to double check on the wing. But I know even now with the Enneagram, there are more aspects to it as well. And that I don't, I don't even know like the, the deeper stuff. I just know I'm a three and it was, uh, very hard for me to decide. I had a lot of back and forth on if I was an eight or a three.
And then I, I finally realized no, I'm definitely, definitely a three. So all of this to say that again, I really, I dig this stuff. So this is not a slam on personality tests. I think they can be really great. I think they can be very eye-opening. I think it gives us a little window into why we do certain things.
Um, I even read an article once that was how different Myers Briggs, uh, personality, uh, profiles react to like high stress, and reading that, you know, I know for me, it was like, you tend to want to get stuff done. Like you would be most likely to deep clean your house, let's say if you just had something really horrible happened to you.
And for a while, I was like, you know, this is my natural inclination, but I felt kind of weird. Like, why would I like, am I just, is this like an avoidance strategy or whatever? But then reading about that, I was like, "Oh, okay. I'm not like a total psychopath who is just trying to run from my emotions. This is just like how I process things."
Right? So they can be really, really helpful. But here is the thing that I see far, far, far too often. It's usually in the form of has to do with introverts, but it's people saying, "Well, I can't do that-", you know, fill in the blank, "because I'm a blank." "Well, I can never have a really successful business because I'm an introvert."
So that's usually, there's usually some iteration of that. That's the main one. Where they'll say, Oh, well, you're, you know, you're only good at that because you're an extrovert. You're only, you can, you can do that, Erika, because you're an extrovert it's easy for you because you're an extrovert." So here's what I want to, uh, dismantle today.
Because if you are using your personality test results, as a way to subtly, self-sabotage your success, then you are simply holding yourself back. You have a limiting belief that is allowing you to not show up how you can be showing up in order to have the success that you say you want. So, this is where I say, this episode might be a little convicting for some people. Because here's what I know.
As I have lived my life, I most certainly, I mean, while I have some amazing extrovert friends who I love to hang out with and talk with and we'll stay up, you know, when I was in high school, we would stay up till all hours of the night, just gab, gab gabbing. But most of the people that are in my life are introverts. My husband's an introvert.
Our son is an introvert. Uh, and I know that when I was a kid, when I was my son's age, he's 14 right now. I was always out of the house. I would do just about anything to be out and about with other people. I loved to people, as they say. My son, not so much, he could care less. He loves to just be home with us.
He loves to be with our dog. He loves to be playing video games. He is completely content. And he has a few friends, but he's also very content to just like FaceTime them or hang out from time to time. Or he'll go to Dungeons and dragons to the library once a week. But he is not a big fan of peopling. And neither is my husband.
So whereas I'm somebody who's like, "Oh my gosh, I always want to meet new people and make new friends." My husband is like, "I have five friends that I'm perfectly okay with that. There's, I don't understand why anyone would need more than five friends." Right? So that is the kind of the dynamic in our household.
And I know whether it's people I know personally or people I know of who I follow in the business world, I would say most of these six and seven figure earners that I know or know of are introverts. So I would say that there is often a difference between, uh, being shy and being nervous about putting yourself out there, and being energetically depleted by putting yourself out there.
So I know of several people who are very successful, incredibly ambitious, they are really going for it in their businesses and their lives, but they are hardcore introverts. So what they do, because they know this about themselves, their self-aware is, they make sure that they have structured things so that they have enough time to get their energy back after they've had to be engaging with a lot of people.
So they have systems set up so that, you know, maybe like automated emails or different types of automations on the backend of their business that enable them to not have to do a lot of chit chat back and forth with people. Uh, or maybe they, the way that they network is more in an online capacity from the comfort of their own home, rather than always having to go out to different networking events. Or if they do go out to networking events or anything where they, where they're directly with people, they make sure not to do it too often so that they are have enough time to, uh, kind of revive themselves in between those instances. Uh, or they hire people to do things in their businesses that they don't want to do.
So there is a way there's a lot, a lot of ways around it, where if you're an introvert, especially because we have so much technology now, there are a ton of ways to get around the fact that you would rather not be peopling all of the time. However, here's what I see. I see people who are, and I will say too, like my, my son is kind of, he's a little bit shy. Uh, but too often, I see people use the umbrella of being an introvert to mask the fact that they, when it comes down to it, are really afraid of visibility, are really afraid of putting themselves out there. Are really afraid of rejection. Uh, maybe they feel socially awkward. So if they're at a networking event, they don't want to have to meet new people because they get to in their head about, you know, "Oh, this person's going to think that I'm stupid." Or, you know, whatever we have, we have all these thoughts.
And what I will say to that is extroverts struggle with that too. I'm a super socially awkward person. Anytime I meet new people, you know, anytime I'm going home from a networking event, I will replay conversations in my head. And I'm like, "Oh my God, I shouldn't have said that. Or I was talking too much, or that probably sounded stupid."
Or, you know, whatever the case may be. Right? So it's not to say that I don't struggle with meeting people too. Even though I love meeting people and the older I get, I do need more, even for myself, I need more downtime. I need more recovery time between, uh, events with a lot of people. But it really comes down to knowing that visibility and connection are really, really, really important to growing a business and to being successful. And you have to put yourself out there. So putting yourself out there, I know, I just, you know, I just put out another, uh, podcast episode that was all about ways to put yourself out there, putting yourself out there is scary. It's vulnerable. It leaves you open to the possibility that people are going to have something negative to say. That they are not going to be interested in what you do or anything like that.
Right? So instead of just saying, "Well, I can't do this because I'm a blank.", think of it in terms of, "How could I make this work for me because I am a blank?" Right? So like, I know that I, because of the like visionary thing and because of the Maverick leader thing, I am really, really, really good at giving people ideas for their businesses.
It's why I do what I do. I would absolutely positively despise my business if I did done for you services. So that being said, this is what I mean. If I had to design people's websites, if I had to, uh, do people's like search engine optimization. If I had to manage people's social media profiles and feeds and all of that, I would, I would hate it.
I would hate everything about it because even though I'm a doer in the sense of like I do what is necessary for my own business, I do not derive joy from just sitting at my desk at my laptop, doing back end work for other people's businesses. I would rather explain to a client of mine, different ways that they can do those things in their business.
I would rather work with somebody and say, "Let's take a look at your Instagram and let's see how I can help you make this how you want it to be so that you can get more business." Right? I would rather give you ideas of simple ways you can get more visible and get out there more so that you can get more eyeballs on you so that you can get more clients.
I would rather help you plan out all those other ways that you are then going to implement yourself or with the help of a paid, you know, VA or contractor or something like that, than me actually doing them. I also know that, uh, you know, like the, the Gryffindor in me and that like Enneagram three, like those can have, even though, you know, a Gryffindor is somebody who's like out there again, they're doing it, they're getting things done.
They're like, you know, encouraging people, they're cheering them on. That's great. I love to do that for other people. I love to be somebody's cheerleader. But it can also turn into like a bit of arrogance or bossiness or, you know, all those other characteristics that can kind of get you, uh, take you off the rails, so to say. So I have to be careful with that. My Enneagram three means that like I can, I can kind of like, again, power through. I can, uh, be, uh, a great leader, a great like champion of, of different causes and everything, but it can also mean that I'm waiting for external approval too often to tell me that I'm doing things, quote unquote, the right way. Uh, or, you know, let me know that like, "Hey, you know, you're doing a good job." So, and same thing like my, my love language, I know is words of affirmation. So a lot of times, if I feel like I'm not getting a positive feedback loop, it really shuts me down and I have to push past.
So again, it's not about like, I could look at all those and say, "Well, you know what, because, um, because I, I love hearing that external feedback and everything. I, if I'm not hearing that, I'm just, I'm not even moving ahead in my business." Like, no, maybe I just, I set things up in another way so that I'm asking people to give me certain feedback or I'm welcoming that.
Right? Or I, you know, have other structures in place to have that outside objectivity. Like a therapist, like a mastermind. Like trusted colleagues who will say like, "No, you're, you know, you are doing a great job. Like, yes, keep up the good work." Um, I also know that because as I get older, I need more downtime that I cannot let the extrovert in me run wild.
I cannot let FOMO get the best of me. I can not be out every night of the week and still be a productive worker and a present, a wife and mom and all of those things that I also want to be. And because I love to be a visionary, it can also mean that I suck at getting my work done on the backend. Because sitting down again to do the stuff at my desk does not always float my boat.
What floats my boat is actually interacting with other people and helping them brainstorm a path to their success. So there's, there's a good and a bad, there's a, uh, pro and a con to all of these. So my suggestion to you is this.
First, if you love to geek out on personality tests, like me recognize that there are strengths and whatever your personality is. And there are things that you will set up as potential roadblocks to yourself if you allow sort of the shadow side of that personality to take over. And then, rather than using that shadow side as a way to be an excuse to hold you back from where you want to be in business, use it as a tool to figure out, "How can I work around this so that I can still be who I am, but I can make my business work for me?"
Because at my core, one of the things that brings me the greatest joy and in my love language of, of, you know, wanting that feedback from people, is when I hear my clients say, uh, "You don't just give advice that puts people in a box. You give them advice that works for them."
When I, a client of mine just said that to me yesterday and it makes my heart explode every time. Because truly, that is what I believe. I do not believe in cookie cutter. I do not believe in one size fits all. I do believe that we are all these cool, amazing, different people, and it's our differences that when we combine them all, make this, the world a more kick ass place. But I like to make sure that when I'm working with my clients, that, you know, I don't make them tell me what a enneagram they are or anything like that. But just from working with them, I can get an idea of how they are, how they operate and all of that. And we make a plan that supports who they are rather than forcing them to change or fit into a mold that is not sustainable for them.
But I also really like to take into account that we aren't just using their personality as a crutch to say, "Oh, you can only get this far." Like, no, we're going to find a way, you know, over, around, under, through whatever, to still get them where they want to be while honoring where they are. So if this resonated with you, I hope it did.
What I would really love from you is I hang out the most on Instagram. I'm over there @erikatebbensconsulting. So take a screenshot of this, post in your stories, tag me. And I want you to tell me what, whatever personality test you love to geek out on whatever, you know, ones that you know that you've already taken the test for, I would love to know what you are. So whatever Enneagram, whatever, Hogwarts, whatever, Myers Briggs, whatever I want you to post and tag me, @erikatebbensconsulting on Instagram, and I want you to tell me, and then if you have any ahas or take away, or you're like, "Oh Erika, I, yeah. I've, I've said some of those things. I've been holding myself back." If you don't want to post that publicly on your stories, I understand, no judgment. But just slide into my DMs and tell me, because I, I truly would love to know. Um, and then maybe we can even hop on a free 20 minute call and we can actually figure out some ways to kind of work around that. Okay?
So that's what I would love from you. Make sure, give me a shout out on, on Instagram, and, uh, and then we can connect that way and I can help you get beyond, whatever your amazing personality already, is to hit your goals. All right. Thank you for listening. And as always, happy selling.
