Ep. 029: Handling the Fear of Judgement
When I asked people what the worst part of a selling was, the overwhelming response wasn't that they were afraid of rejection. It was a fear of judgement instead. The sad thing is whenever you put yourself out there, someone IS going to judge you. It's just a fact. But there are a few ways to feel this very real fear and move past it. Because if you don't rumble with it, and shrink to stay safe, the people who will love you won't be able to find you.
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Erika Tebbens: Before we dive into the episode, I wanted to share a little bit about my group coaching program, the Success Squad. If you find in your business that you. Aren't quite as booked out, as you would love to be, perhaps you are having some amazing revenue months here and there, but it's really inconsistent, or maybe you still haven't hit a revenue goal that you've set for yourself.
Maybe you really overthink what you should be offering and you're confused around how you should actually be putting it out there into the world, then I have great news for you, because you're going to get all of that and more when you joined the success squad.
So what can you expect? In the Success Squad, I make sure that all the squad members get a ton of clarity around what they should be offering and how they should craft their messaging so that the right people are finding it and loving it. And then you get a ton of confidence around visibility, showing up different places, getting the word out so that people actually know your offer exists and then some tools and tips on how to actually close more sales, how to sell those amazing offers.
And lastly, you're going to get a phenomenal community of other entrepreneurs who get it, because even if you have some incredible people in your life who are really supportive and they've got your back, if they aren't running businesses of their own, they don't always completely understand your struggles, right?
So if this sounds like something that you're curious about, that might be the exact thing that you need to get, where you want to be in your business, then I would encourage you to go to bit.ly/success-squad and read more about it. And on that page, depending on the time of the year, it'll either let you apply or get on the wait list and if you have any questions, just be sure to reach out because everybody deserves a squad. All right, now onto the episode.
Hey, welcome to the Sell It! Sister podcast. So in this episode, we are going to be talking about the fear of being judged when it comes to selling. And actually this was something, um, I was really inspired to record because I did a poll in my Facebook group, the Sell It Sisterhood a few months ago, maybe now few weeks, months ago, and what I ended up realizing, I asked a bunch of different questions that had to do with selling and the thing that when it was like really drilled down to what the core of fear around selling is it's the fear of being judged by the other person who you're talking to.
And I thought that this was absolutely fascinating because if you would have asked me initially, it would have been the fear of rejection, but it was even more than that, it was the fear of being judged. So I was like, Oh, I need to do a podcast episode on this.
So I don't think this one will be very long, but I do think it's very important. Uh, because again, if you can't sell, you don't have a business, right? You don't have a profitable business, we're all, we're all selling all the time when we are in business, right?
Even if we're not like actively selling, we are selling ourselves, we're selling our brand even if it's not a specific product or offering, we are, we are selling something all the time. So hopefully this will help you cope with the fear of judgment when it comes up, because it's probably going to, right?
So this is going to be a little bit more about mindset today and help you reframe it. So here's the good news and the bad news all in one. There will be some people sometimes in the course of your business, that will be judging you 100% that is just the truth. I have friends, a few friends with a little bit more, um, high profile businesses and I see that there are people out there who critique what they're doing or want to give their 2 cents or whatever- it's sort of just the nature. Of the beast, right?
They're always going to be the people who are like, you shouldn't charge that for that, or, you know, who do you think you are charging that? Or what makes you so qualified? Or why could get that thing somewhere else for a different price or 10 trillion other things, right, there are always, always, always going to be those people. And a lot of the time you won't even know, like they're not going to be emailing you, they're not going to be commenting on your social media.
They're going to be thinking in their head or they're going to be ranting to somebody else. And you will never know. I know right now that there are probably people who see my stuff or see my brand or whatever who have judgments, right? Maybe they think I'm too laid back or maybe they don't like my branding colors or maybe they don't like my tattoos or when I have my hair dyed funky colors, or I don't know, a million things, maybe they think should be doing everything I do for free or for $5, or maybe there are people in network marketing who are offended, that they, that I don't do any like one-on-one or group coaching with them but I just, I only make my courses available to them.
That could be something that is very true. Right? There could be people. In that industry who listened to my previous episode, that was all on network marketing and my experience with the industry and some things that I don't love about it and they might judge me. They might think I'm wrong, they might send me hate mail they might choose to unfollow me to not ever do business with me, that's fine. They're allowed to do that. We are all allowed to make our own choices about how we spend our money and who we spend our money with.
There might be people who want a business coach, a sales coach, or strategist that is more like puts more like woo-wo into the work, right? That's great. There, there are people out there who can do that. There might be people who want something different entirely, right? They, they might want someone they can check in with every day or, uh, or I don't, you know, I don't even know, like who's gonna do make some like super involved XL spreadsheet for them. I'm not that person. And that's okay.
And that person might judge me on the fact that I don't have that offerings, but really what can I do about that? Nothing. People might judge me on, uh, what offerings I do have on my programs, on my prices, on how I talk about them on, I don't know, like I had, Oh, I had a dude, some random dude who is local to me and was like, giving me shit, because I spelled women with the X instead of the E and I was like, I don't care about you, dude. Like, I mean, what I judge away, but I'm not changing it for you.
So people will judge. And why I say that's the good and bad news is that while it might feel like it's bad news, like, I don't want to be judged. I want everyone to like me. It's also good news because when you know that it's inevitable, you don't have to freak out about it.
It just means that that person is not the, they're not the right fit for you and your offering and what you're all about. Right? And this world is big enough and broad enough and there are enough people who are doing something similar to what you do, that those people can look elsewhere. And that is perfectly wonderful. Wonderful.
That's why I don't freak out about competition because if somebody wants to work with a different person who does something slightly similar to me, then it means that we were not the right fit to begin with. And I know that by being my own authentic self, that people will judge, but it also makes it easier for the perfect fit people to find me.
So, yeah, that is, um, that's kind of it on like the top level. Uh, I will say. On a deeper level. You can also think like, if you're feeling, if you know that somebody is judging you or something feels like, Oh, I'm going to get judged for this or whatever. Just try to take a step back and be objective and curious about where that feeling is coming from, right?
So if you feel like, well, I, you know, they're, they're going to judge me on my appearance or something, okay?. Does that, does that come from a different time and place in your life? Were you picked on for that as a kid or, you know, in high school or as a young adult, did somebody say something mean about it?
Like where is that actually coming from? And then try to flip it around and see, okay, but are there other people who have this similar characteristic and they have had success? So for instance, for me, if it was like, well, you can't be successful and have funky hair and be weird and be different, and, uh, and kind of stand out a little bit from the crowd and not look very like preppy and put together cause my high school was very like preppy and put together and I was the weirdo. So that's a lot of where my own. Uh, worries around being judged, have come into play, but then there are people out there like Kimra Luna, who always has funky hair, who has facial piercings who has tattoos and she's very successful.
So it helps to recognize if you can figure out the root of why you're afraid of being judged for that thing and then is it possible that you can be successful in spite of that? Is there somebody out there who is living proof that you can be successful and have the thing that you're being judged about?
Right? And again, with, you know, when it comes to raising prices or anything like that, like all day long people buy stuff, right? You buy stuff, I buy stuff, we vote with our dollars and depending on what you are buying, like, we all have our different realms of what we're comfortable paying for different things, right?
So I might, I might tell you how much I pay to get my hair done. And you might be somebody who just wants the cheapest haircut around, like you don't care, or maybe you only like cut your hair once a year, or maybe you don't color your hair, something like that. So you might be like, Oh my gosh, you spent how much? You're insane. Like what the hell?
Um, but it's, you are just voting with your dollars and your priorities in a different way than I am. And, and neither is right or wrong. We're just looking at it different. Right. Uh, and there are still people who get free information free, help, free, whatever, and they still complain, right?
So it doesn't matter what we decide to spend our money on how we value our money, where our priorities lie, like, and that could be with anything. It could be what we feel comfortable spending money on for food or for travel or for education or for clothing or any of those things. We are all going to have a different level of what is an acceptable amount to spend on those things and what isn't in our own mind, right?
And even if you are getting something for free, you still might not be happy with it. So like this podcast is free. I have it available to people who can't or don't want to pay me it's free. And I'm sure there are still people who won't like it and that's okay. And then there are other people who are happy to hire me, happy to work with me, happy to get my courses and they are going to view what they invest in their business.
Like they're going to have a different notion of what they want to spend and how they want to spend it. And that is perfectly okay. I don't spend my money in my business on every possible opportunity I come across. I figure out what is going to be the best for me right now and then I decide accordingly.
And it's not always a decision, I know I did a whole other episode on business investments, but it's not always a decision based on the money I actually have, it's usually based on the outcome I would get from that program or hiring that person or whatever it is. Uh, but I am, I they've made a judgment about the value of that thing and so I decide if I'm going to spend my money on it and that's great. And there are a lot of other things that have come across my path that I'm like, I'm making the judgment call to not spend my money on that. Or it might be somebody that I'm like, Oh, heck no, I would never work with them. I don't like their style.
I don't like their message. I don't like what they're all about. And by style, I don't mean like how they look. I mean like their style of running a business. Um, and, and that's okay. And I'm not being a hater. I'm not going out of my way to tell them like, uh, I think you're doing it wrong, I'm not doing that cause I'm not an asshole, but. In my head, I'm still making a judgment call.
We are hard wired to judge as part of our human experience, it's like what keeps us safe, right? We have to make these judgment calls. And so it's not about what it's not about making your business business judgment proof. It's about showing up for the people who are going to be the best fit for you and being as open and honest about that as possible, and as authentic as possible, and then letting the chips fall and knowing that someone judging you is a reflection on them and not a reflection on you and that you're doing something wrong. You're not.
Uh, but if you try to be lukewarm and you try to cater to everyone and you try to be, uh, misplaced nice with everyone, because you don't want your feelings hurt from possibly being judged, you will never get where you want to be because you will, you will constantly be trying to people please to everyone and everyone is not a perfect fit for you.
So, go ahead, embrace that. See if you're getting stuck on similar judgment, judgments. See if you can find the root of that. See if you can find proof that, uh, other people out there who are similar to you have had success and then go forth and kick ass.
And I would love to hear if you have, uh, overcome a judgment or even want to like privately tell me something that you worry about, um, in my DMS, go ahead and find me @erikatebbensconsulting I'm always hanging out on Instagram and I would love to hear from you and as always happy selling.
