Stop Feeling Guilty About Rest (Here's Your Permission Slip)

When you're ambitious, when you're high achieving, when you're a real go-getter, it can be very, very easy to slip into a pattern where you equate your worthiness with how much work you are getting done.

And I know that when I talk to my clients, there is a fear that if you step away, it’ll be worse when you come back. Or that you’ll lose the chance to do business with someone.

So to protect ourselves from these fears, we have our notifications on all the time, always checking the inbox. 

This is something that I have struggled with and still struggle with, though I’ve gotten a lot better. I’ve had to work to get used to a new way of working.

Here are some mindset shifts I had to work on and new practices I’ve implemented in my effort to transition into this new way of working, the way where rest is prioritized and business still thrives.

I’m a really good “worker bee”. In the past I’ve really felt that if I produce more, then I'm more worthy. Before, I didn’t like completely shutting things off. I realize now that that was a scarcity mindset. I thought I had to do everything for myself and in reality, it was busy work that could have been streamlined.

Then when I burned out, I knew I had to figure out a different way to have a business. 

One recent vacation, my old fears came up: Should I be posting? Checking in? What if my clients need me? 

But I was able to remind myself: my clients are people who also like to take vacations! I didn’t need to check in every day! And interestingly, I did connect a few times because I had something that was exciting and easy to share. But I intentionally didn't schedule any coaching calls that week!

Let’s get into how I’ve gotten myself to this place where I can remind myself of this.

Mindset Shift #1: I plan my time

The fastest way to stop ourselves from overwork and make sure we rest is to be intentional with our time.

I like to plan my weeks and contemplate rest at the outset. 

My intention is to answer the question, “What do I want my week to feel like?” 

Are there going to be busier, or more hectic weeks? Sure. But overall, how do I want them to look and feel?

And for me, that means not working on the weekends — unless I'm really inspired to do something, or unless let's say I'm traveling, or I'm at a conference. But for the most part, I want my weekends to be time where I switch off work. Same goes for my evenings. 

In the evening, I'm not at my best. I need evening time, even if it's just a few hours on the couch with Netflix or a good book or my knitting. I need that time to unwind and switch my brain out of work mode.

Travel is also really important to me. And I need time to re-enter life and work, and not try to hit the ground running when I've got jet lag.

I ask: when do I want to be working and when do I not want to be working? And then I plan in reverse. 

Mindset Shift #2: I Come First

As the CEO, I need to take care of myself first. If I'm not good, I'm not worth anything to my clients.

So if I am exhausted, my brain is not going to be as high functioning.

And if my brain is not as high functioning, then I am not going to give as good of advice as I could on coaching calls. And I'm going to be too tired to want to show up and give value. And I'm going to be too exhausted and overwhelmed to want to do the other things like record podcast episodes that I need to do for my business.

So I’ve now given myself permission that I'm going to rest and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.

And if somebody ends up working with somebody else, because they were like the “Amazon Prime” of business coaches, they're probably not the client for me. 

This actually happened to me!

I ended up needing to reschedule a discovery call with somebody. And then when we rescheduled a couple days later, she messaged me and said she hired someone else.

And at first I was like, “Oh my gosh, I shouldn't have rescheduled! What if she would have hired me and I just lost out on all that money? Am I a jerk? Why did I prioritize my family and our lives over a 20 minute discovery call that would have brought money right into my business?”

I was beating myself up. 

But then I realized: I did the right thing. 

It was me making a conscientious decision that right now, my family needs me as a priority. And so I'm going to honor the commitment I've made to myself to be there for my family. And if that means that I miss out on a client, because they felt like somebody else was a better fit, or could start working with them two days sooner, then that business relationship wasn't meant to be.

It was me stepping into my integrity.

I’ve Been There; You’re Not Alone

If you struggle with this please know: I’ve been the spouse and mom who put my business in front of everything.

In 2013, I was gung ho on hitting my first promotion in the direct sales company I was working in. I was trying to do home parties and everything.

And a party fell on my son’s birthday.

I did hang out with him that day. But I skipped going to the glass museum for a cool experience with him because I was focused on throwing the party for my business. And I probably made a few hundred bucks on that party, if that.

Now I think back and I'm like, was it worth it?

No, it wasn't worth it. I should have been there with them. I should have had that fun day at the glass museum, doing glassblowing and all of that.

I was nervous that if I didn't do this party, that I wouldn't reach my goals and would never be worthy of having success.

And now looking back, it makes me want to bawl my eyes out. I can't believe I prioritized my work over my son's birthday because I feared that I wouldn't get another opportunity.

And that freaking sucks, right? You can't get that time back. 

So just know that if this is something you’re really struggling with right now, you’re not alone in feeling those feelings. And also, if I can do the work to get my head out of that mindset, so can you.

It Gets Better

I don’t ever want to be that chained to a business anymore. 

On my last trip to Stolkholm, I didn’t have my laptop on me. Just my phone.

And it made me realize how far I have come and how it all started with the mindset shift of giving myself permission to rest. I gave myself permission to unplug and step away and nourish myself and be in integrity with my values.

And you know what? My business now is way more financially successful than my business back then.

And I work about half the time.

I have a lot more time for my family. I have a lot more time to go out to lunch or dinner with friends, to take a bath and read a book, to go for a walk with my dog.

Because I was intentional. 

I built that in and I gave myself permission that rest is important, rest is good. 

I love what I do. I'm happy to do it. And also, I work hard. In your business that you love, you will work hard and have to focus and do the hard thing.

But when you’re off, you’re off. And you don’t have to feel bad about it. You are not going to be on 24/7 because that isn't good for you. It's not good for your family. It’s not good for your clients.

Your Permission Slip to Rest

This is me giving you permission to rest and not feel guilty about it.

If there’s one thing I know about ambitious, high-achieving people, especially those of us who were socialized as women, it’s that we often feel like we can't give ourselves permission to rest.

So this is me giving you that.

There is nothing that you need to do that is so mission-critical that you must work during the time you’ve set aside for rest.

Working instead of resting will not make you more worthy of success.

And if you’re thinking, “Well, the way my business is structured, I have to be on all the time,” reach out to me. I'm really good at helping people restructure their time so they can bring in more revenue and work less. And the reason I'm good at it is because I've been on the other side and it nearly destroyed me. I had to figure out a better way, and I did. And you deserve that too.